may shatter on impact (tronnor)

32. Livewire & the Sunlight on the Sea

song mentioned: "livewire" oh wonder

Connor has decided that, since it was Saturday, we should all go to the beach.

It's too cold to swim, and there's enough wind to blow this entire city to Oz, but Zoe had a picnic packed and ready to go in less than twenty minutes after Connor suggested it excitedly. Dan laughed at the idea, but called Phil and Alfie over to invite them anyways. Alfie stared at us like we were crazy and excused himself to do homework instead. Zoe look disappointed, but didn't let that ruin her mood, and stuck the basket in the back of her mother's minivan. Nora and Phil both agreed readily, Phil pulling on sunglasses as if he had simply been waiting for Dan to ask.

Nora sat in the back with me, while Dan and Phil sat in the middle row, and Connor joined Zoe, who drove.

Connor turned his phone onto bluetooth and attached his phone to someone's speakers, a familiar song playing. "I've been depending on the overgrown / Too many lovers that I'll never know / Counting my losses as I let them go / Heavy the water as I sink below..."

"Troye do you know this song?" Connor calls back to me.

"Of course," I sign for him. He smiles at that, beginning to sing softly. "Oh won't you be my livewire? / Make me feel like I'm set on fire / Your love will take me higher and higher / Oh won't you be my livewire?"

I chuckle a bit at him; Dan and Phil going quiet when I open my mouth and -

this is safe; this is safe; this is safe; this is -

"Oh won't you be my live wire? Make me feel like I'm set on fire," I sing, faltering as I see Nora staring at me, shocked but smiling. Dan and Phil exchange excited glaces.

Connor's face lights up, his eyes going from the color of almost-happy to excitement and happiness and he keep singing, our voices joining like the waves joining the sand under the watchful sunlight. "Your love will take me higher and higher, oh won't you be my livewire?"

Oh Wonder plays the entire drive there, all of us singing along to "Technicolor Beat" and the comfort of music and laughter healing my broken and raspy voice, until we're back at "Livewire" and Connor's eyes don't leave mine.

Clouds paint themselves across the blue sky, turning the color dark and casting shadows across the sand, the dunes rising and falling like the waves that throw themselves against the shore, leaving lines of shells and glass with rounded edges on the shore. Connor leaves his shoes in the car, opening the door and running down the hill, leaving only his footprints in the sand and the memory of his arms trailing through the air behind him.

Zoe laughs at him, grabbing the picnic basket and following Connor down to the water a bit more carefully. I leave my shoes by Nora's sandals and the two of us follow Dan and Phil out of the car. Dan is laughing, kicking sand up at Phil, who sputters and runs away, stopping at the edge of the water, shouting "I hate you"s that we all know he doesn't mean.

Nora is up to her ankles in the water, holding onto Zoe, who's dropped the basket behind us, and is trying to stop Nora from pulling her into the water. Connor grabs my arm, his fingers leaving drops of glittering ocean on my arm. "Come on!"

I laugh at him, letting myself be pulled to the water's edge, the silver caps of waves crashing and breaking along the empty beach and against the blue and green and black and the beauty of the ocean.

The sunlight on the sea reminds me of the glitter in Connor's eyes; the glint of metal in the sun and the light barely peeking between the clouds.

Connor has his pants rolled up to his thighs, wading into the water as he claims that it isn't cold.

I shiver as the wind blows, my hair and shirt being thrown back, and the ocean spray flickering across my face, leaving drops of salty glass.

"Troye!" Connor shouts towards me. "Come on, it's not that cold!"

Nora seems to agree, laughing as she manages to pull a shouting Zoe in up to her knees, her black leggings growing darker as the ocean covers her calves. I just laugh and shake my head, ducking as Phil runs into the water, oblivious to the cold, with Dan chasing him, and the water splashing up and leaving dark spots across my shirt.

Connor's fingers somehow become intertwined with mine, and I let out a shout of surprise as he pulls me into the water, the cold wrapping around my legs as his hands wrap around my chest, trapping me with him.

"See? It's not that cold!"

I lean back and look at him. "I-it's fucking f-freez-zing," I say with chattering teeth. "S-see? T-there are goosebumps a-all over m-my arms!"

He laughs, but his expression turns serious for a moment. "Troye? You know that you were silent for weeks, right? But I'm glad you aren't anymore. I love hearing you talk."

I smile at him, and I relax, wrapped in the safety of his arms, the ocean waves lapping at the shore and freezing my toes and the sunlight quickly fading as the clouds shift and the sun sinks.