may shatter on impact (tronnor)

22. Adam & the Things You Know

By the end of the day, it seems that all of my friends have figured out that I'm not talking. Connor has his arm wrapped around my shoulder, guiding me through the noise and the groups of people walking towards the dorms. I know before we've even made it to the doors of the brick building that I would've gone to the wrong building a hundred times before finding the right one, despite there being only two buildings.

Connor unlocks the door with a twist of his wrist, pushing it open to reveal Dan and a boy with blonde hair and blue eyes and Pj. Dan's on his phone, Pj's building what looks like a giant cloud out of teddy bear stuffing, and the other boy has papers and poster board spread out around the room.

"Hey guys," Connor announces as he walks inside, leaving me hovering outside the door. "Get out, thanks."

Dan looks up, seeing me and smiling. "Hey, Troye. Okay, if anyone needs me I'll be over at Phil's." He walks out of the room, squeezing my hand in a somehow comforting motion as he leaves.

"You're Troye Mellet, huh?" The blonde one says, staring at me. I shift my weight onto my right foot, hopefully slipping mostly out of view. "Tyler Oakley's boyfriend?"

Connor frowns. I guess he didn't know that part. This okay? he mouths at me. I widen my eyes in a comical terrified way. No, no, no, it's not -

"Can I ask what it was like? During the shooting? Could you hear him do it in the other classrooms where ever you were?"

I shook my head quickly. Get me out, get me out, oh no -

"Why didn't you stop him?"

"Shut the fuck up, Adam. Get out," Connor orders, kicking the poster board and papers into a pile. A step into the room, getting as far away from Adam as I can but -

what's on the papers?

Guns. Diagrams. Arrows. Lists. Years. 2015 - Tyler Oakley.

He's doing a report on school shootings.

"Adam," Pj mutters. "Let's go. We'll be in Mitchell's. Come on, Adam."

Adam only stands up, stepping closer to me, staring curiously, as if I'm an animal in a zoo, prettied up and photographed and living in a cage. "Did you love him?"

Yes.

"Did he tell you? Did he find you? Why didn't the police stop him earlier? Did you help him?"

"ADAM. Leave him the fuck alone," Connor hisses, shoving him backwards.

Adam only stumbles an inch, glaring at Connor before turning back to me. "Well? Did you?"

No. NO.

I'm screaming but I can't open my mouth, everything has to stay silent.

"Do you even talk?" He frowns, tapping at his thigh. "PTSD, huh? You don't speak."

I'm trapped against the wall, there's nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, oh my God.

He smirks. "Write it out for me? It'd really - "

"Fuck off, Adam!" Connor grabs his shirt and shoves him out the room, stumbling into Pj, standing wide eyed.

"I read his journal, you know! And you knew!" Connor slams the door shut, breathing hard and angry. "YOU KNEW, TROYE MELLET. YOU KNEW!"