may shatter on impact (tronnor)

61. Empty Spaces & People Who Will Answer the Phone

Phil settles down beside me in the practice room quietly, moving the phone to the side of us. "I heard about what happened at lunch today."

"Great," I whisper back.

He leans back, resting against the wall, suddenly seeming small and broken and lost. "You remember the other day, when Pj was asking why I can't live with my parents anymore?" I nod, only half paying attention. "They, uh, well. They kicked me out because I'm gay and because I love Dan and not some girl and they don't like that."

"I - I'm sorry," I whisper. I am sorry, but I really can't feel anything right now. I don't know why, but all I feel is ice, like the ice Connor can glide across like it's nothing, like the icicles that drip down the the roof of my house and balance precariously, two breaths away from impaling the ground.

"It's okay. But the point, Troye, is that they got rid of me. They left me as if I was worth nothing - But for some reason, I keep...I just keep calling them. I keep dialing my mom's number and keep getting hung up on. I don't even leave voicemails or anything. I just call as if she's going to pick up this time, because I still need her, I still need my mom," he says, voice breaking. He blinks hard and coughs a little, looking over at me. "I know that I have been through nothing even as close to what you've been through. But I do get why you're calling them. Troye, you're looking for some kind of...some kind of closure. Someone to tell you what to do with all those spaces that people used to fill, because you still need them and you don't know how to go on without them. I'm not telling you to stop calling them or stop missing them. I'm just telling you that you don't need to refill their space, you just need to make their spaces a little smaller to make room for people who will answer the phone." He hesitates then, as if rethinking everything he had just said. "You sort of understand what I'm getting at?"

I barely even pause before answering. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I do."