may shatter on impact (tronnor)

21. Lists & Lessons

Nora has decided that if she can't change my mind about not speaking then she's going to teach me to speak with my hands. She told me to write out a list of words I needed to know before we got together, and I came up with four lists of words that I used daily and similar ones to start with.

We skip third period physics for me and gym for her to sit at center stage in the theatre. The velvet red seats stare back at us, our hands forming lists of words that could somehow be strung together to create anything and everything.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

Hello. Bye. My name is Troye. Homework. Who? What? When? Where? Why? I don't understand. Please stop. But. Was. Is. Will. Be. Me. My. You. Yours. And. Friend. Girlfriend. Boyfriend. Connor. Zoe. Nora. Dan. Phil. Alfie. Mom. Dad. Sister. Brother. Tyde. Nothing.

We get through the first list of words quickly, her signing it while I watched and me repeating it until it was right.

Run. Walk. Stay. Love. Maybe. No. Yes. Hurt. How? Music. Book. School. Class. Math. English. Spanish. French. Chinese. Physics. Science. Gym. Lunch. History. Write. Read. Say. Look. Find. Make. Anything.

A pencil is digging into my leg but I don't move until I have the hand motions for "Connor" and "stay" and "lunch" and "look" and "find" all memorized and perfected.

Any. Everything. Can. Cannot. Cat. Dog. Mouse. House. Bedroom. Ice cream. Food. Drink. Desert. Lunch. Dinner. Blue. Red. Yellow. Organge. Green. Color. Brown. Black. White. But. Words. Together. Good. Bad. Apart. Scared. Happy. Sad. Lonely.

"It's more complicated than just words strung together," Nora tells me, her hands moving quickly and confidently across the air. "But this will do for now."

Complicated. Money. Pay. Coins. Dollars. Help. Thank you. Please. Words. For. Him. Her. They. Theirs. Them. His. Hers. Mine. Yours. He. She. We. Than. More. Less. Same. Internet. This. Now. Then. Later. Past. Present. Future. Heart.