may shatter on impact (tronnor)

5. Conversations & Speaking

It's only the second day of school and so everyone is still comparing summer vacations and family trips and sights seen and cars bought and birthdays celebrated. They all seem to be in some sort of competition to see who can talk the most and the fastest and in the most interesting way.

For example, Pj Liguori makes you believe you were where ever he was at the time, like you're his best friend - even if you've never met him before today, like me - and you're the one helping him on all his insane adventures. Zoe tells me that most of it is made up - he didn't actually go meet the lead actor in the new Star Wars, but it's interesting to hear what he can say about it anyways.

Another example; Clara Maxwell, who doesn't talk with you, she talks at you and only breathes after she's finished with one story and ready to talk about the next. I like being with her, it doesn't require any effort on my part.

Others like to actually include you in their conversations. They'll let you stand on the outside of the group and practically give you a heart attack when they talk to you, specifically. There's Connor, for that role. He'll smile at you and hope that you have something interesting to say, and at the same time his eyes seem to say that anything I say will be interesting. Anything at all, even if it's just a shrug and I've mostly just been unpacking.

Which is a lie.

But I can't say anything else.

At least I'm not screaming.

At least my thoughts are in order. I have my school studies on the left and social interaction in a string of words in the front and safe, safe, safe, please in the back and on the right I have names and places and people and maybe this will all be okay.

But the right side of my thoughts don't take up very much room and the back of my mind seems to like to take over at random points throughout the day.

I can't just stand up and leave here anymore, though. They wouldn't understand. They wouldn't let me. They'd probably laugh at me for hoping that I could.

At least they aren't bursting into tears at the sight of me.