may shatter on impact (tronnor)

83. Friends & Starbucks

Her nose is red from the cold, a scarf wrapped tightly around her neck, wool gloves keeping her fingers warm, a winter jacket rustling in the wind. "Mia?"

"Troye," she says, throwing her arms around me. Her eyes are shining when she pulls apart from me. "What are you doing here? You didn't tell anyone that you were coming."

I look cautiously at the people behind her - Miles and Julian. "I wasn't quite sure if you wanted to know," I confessed, turning back to look at her.

She winced at my words, sending a quick glare back at Miles, who only shrugged. "I would have wanted to know."

I looked at her sadly. "Well you know now."

"Yeah. We know now. We were on our way to grab some drinks at Starbucks. Want to join us?"

"Well, if Miles is okay with it."

Mia turned back and asked them what they thought of the plan. Julian broke into a smile and nodded, patting my back and starting to walk. Miles swallowed, considering the prospect while Mia shouted at him to hurry up. He eventually agreed - but I think it was probably only because of the cold.

I follow Julian and Miles, who had pushed past us with a smile, the leaves crunching under our feet and the cold whistling through our hair. "How've you been, Mia?"

"It's been....interesting."

"Are you going to elaborate on that or should I just assume it's been awful?"

She laughed. "I'll elaborate." She pauses as we exit the forest, watching Miles and Julian push each other around playfully. "It's been hard, but I think it's gotten easier. For all of us. Teachers have been light on tests and homework and things, which definitely helps." She laughs softly at that. "And friendship drama is basically down to nothing in the upper grades. In Tyde's grade it's worse. They're all debating who they blame. Half of them were tutored by you," or him. But she didn't say that. "And another fourth have moved away. To somewhere safer. Anyone who's left is left wishing their friends or bullies or "enemies" were dead instead of their sister or brother or cousin or whatever."

I nod. "How're your parents?"

"Even more overprotective than before. I could barely convince them to let me go out with these guys. I've been promising to check in every twenty-five minutes."

"That - that's a little bit ridiculous."

She snorts. "Just a bit. How's your new school?"

I smile, thinking about Connor and Nora and Zoe and Phil and Dan. "It's not as bad as I thought it would be. Let's catch up to them," I say, jogging over to Julian and Miles, Mia only a footstep behind me.

The glass door to the local Starbucks opens and closes with a jingle as we enter. We're the only ones in the shop, and the blue haired barista smiles at me when she sees me. "Hey, Troye. Haven't seen you here in awhile."

"My routine changed a bit, Renee. It's nice to be back for a bit, though."

"Regular order?"

I nod, and Mia, Julian, and Miles order as I step back. The only sound is Renee humming some obscure song I've never heard and the sound of the machines whirring and drinks being proud. We take our drinks and sit at our table in the back. I've sat at this table with my friends hundreds of times - every combination of lattes and hot chocolate and coffees and Kayla and Jason and Miles and Mia and Layla and Leah and Tyler.

Julian sits across from me, smiling as he takes a sip of hot chocolate. "How's your new school?"

I shrug, leaning back. "It's been good. Everyone's really nice and I'm not quite drowning in schoolwork yet."

"Yet," Mia jokes.

I laugh. "Yet." I take a sip, choking on the heat for a second before swallowing. "But it's been good."

Mia smiles, as her phone rings and she mouths an apology before answering. "Hey, Mom." Pause. "Yeah." Mia sighs as her mom speaks again. "We're all okay. We're in Starbucks. We actually met up with Troye." She rests her chin on her hand, swirling her straw around the drink. "Yes, that Troye Sivan. Yes, the one with the 'e' at the end. How many Troyes do you know?"

Miles laughs at her conversation, answering a text as he does so. Mia hangs up with a roll of her eyes and another assurance that she'll be home soon, and Miles starts to talk.

"Jason's with Kayla and they want to meet up with us all. Should I just invite them over here?"

"Yeah," Mia says brightly. "I haven't spoken to Jason in a while - we don't have any classes together this year."

"I'll text him now," Miles mutters, tapping at his phone screen.

Kayla and Jason arrive holding hands fifteen minutes later. They're bright and bubbly, Kayla's soccer equipment bag thrown over one shoulder, Jason's arm wrapped tightly around her waist as if he thinks she'll disappear if he lets go. Their happy glances thrown at each other remind of me of Connor, his arm around my shoulder and his lips pressed against mine, and of Tyler, his hands running through my hair and his fingers tangled with mine, and of cliffs and giants in the sea.

Jason hugs me, tackling me with his smile and blonde hair and blue eyes. "Troye!" My name alone feels incomplete coming out of his mouth, his lips yearning to form another name because in his eyes, we were never apart. But he doesn't. He only smiles and sits next Mia after hugging her too, Kayla copies him, passing out hugs and smiles like they're candy, and then sits next to Miles.

"How's school been?" Jason asks, staring at me curiously, inspecting every inch of my face, my eyes, the tremble of my hands. The same face and eyes and hands that he's seen every single day since we were six, until now. Until this year.

"It's been good, actually. I've made friends and I'm not drowning in work."

"Oooh," Kayla croons excitedly. "Tell us about your friends."

I smile at her childlike curiosity. "They're great. Very nice, and happy, and smart, and - I think I might have pictures if you want."

I take out my phone under the happy and watchful eyes of my friends, searching through the camera roll for pictures of them. "This is Connor," I say, glancing at his sea-colored eyes and wind tossed hair, the flowers behind him the ones that one grown on the cliffs, the trees of the forest throwing shadows on his face as he smiles for the camera. They pass the phone around quickly, and I go through screenshots of Instagram posts and pictures of flowers and of song lyrics I was in the middle of writing before having to leave for school, before deciding Connor is the only one I have a picture of. "He's the only one I have a photo of, apparently, but I swear I'm not making the rest up."

Julian laughs at that. "We know you aren't a liar, Troye."

"Well..." Mia says, thinking for a moment. "There was that one time in like, what? Second grade? When your best friend was imaginary - Zachariah Blue, right?"

I groan, my face in my hands. "Don't remind me."