deathwish • horan

so many tears

Emily wasted no time in running out of the car when they arrived at Maura's house. Niall hesitated to speed their way through the other cars, but Emily's obvious frustration made him do it. He had damaged her enough, this was the least he could do to save the day.

Niall rushed in and watched as his parents were on the other side of the bed, and Emily was sitting next to Diana, their hands tightly held together and Emily kept smiling at her dying mother, watching as she was slightly panting, her breath loud enough for Niall to hear from the end of the bed.

Maura was crying softly beside Diana, and Ben was holding her shoulders, wanting to spread some comfort perhaps. Niall's eyes were fixed on Emily who was whispering into Diana's ears, most probably her quotes and how much she loved her mother. He couldn't help but tear up at how Emily was full on sobbing, and his heart broke at how fragile she looked.

He walked up closer to Emily, and his arm slid behind her waist gently, not wanting to intrude their special moment, but he had something to say to Diana. He wanted to tell Diana how special her daughter was, how blessed she was to have Emily in her life.

Emily looked up at Niall, and he nodded slightly, having Emily slightly surprised with his gentle gesture. She backed up a little, making it possible for Niall to talk to Diana, but she wasn't leaving her side. Definitely not leaving her side, especially at that precise moment. She couldn't understand why it was so difficult to let go, even though she knew she had to.

But before Niall could start talking, Diana had cut him off.

"T-thank you, Niall. Take care of Emily for m-me, yeah?" Diana struggled with her words, and Niall nodded, his hand slowly grasping Emily's that was over Diana's. The gesture was small, but Emily couldn't help but let out another tear after Diana's words.

Niall choked. "I-I will, Diana. I promise you, I will." his words were stuck in his throat, and he tried to hide his tears, but he couldn't help but let the tears drip onto Emily's shoulder. Emily felt like her world was slowly crushing down, and she couldn't bear the thought of Diana leaving her behind. She wasn't sure if she was as strong as her words, it was like she wrote them all with a poison pen, without any knowledge of how those words could stab her like a knife.

It feels so unbearable / when so much hope

Turns into deep sorrow /

And she had this need / learning to survive for tomorrow

She couldn't let go of the simple memories that had her in such a powerful grasp of a mother's love. The thought of the person that once gave birth to her, leaving her with the lonely concern and advice that she would forever miss. Emily felt her heart pounding so loud, she could hear it in her ears; but she knew she had to control her emotions, for the sake of her mother.

Emily watched as the light faded out of Diana's eyes, and Niall gripped her waist so tight and she leaned against him, not knowing where to find the strength as her knees failed to keep her still anymore. Emily felt the grasp loosening in her hand, and Diana's hand was growing cold and stone like as Emily's eyes flooded with tears again.

Reality struck her in the face when she realized that every single memory that was shared passed through her mind. Tears weren't stopping and Emily regretted never seeing her when she studied her ass of in college, and how there was never going to be any playful winks or Diana's happy and giggly moments anymore.

flowers in the garden / wind beneath my hair

maybe I can't see you / but I know you'll always be there

Emily couldn't comprehend that she wasn't still alive, and Diana leaving wasn't another sick joke. It was awful how it felt, but she knew this was the art of letting go. Emily screwed her eyes shut, and felt as Niall pulled her into a hug, and she instantly hugged him back, so tight as she locked her hands behind his back and she savored the touch that had never failed to calm her down.