deathwish • horan

word vomit

Sitting with her knees wrapped against her chest and a mug of hot chocolate in her hands, Emily felt some kind of ease even though she didn't feel like it at all. She wasn't sure what to feel- her mother leaving her alone on planet Earth, and Niall confessing something she wouldn't have expected from him. She wanted to leave her troubles away, and she had decided to run away from them all.

Such a coward's actions, yet she knew she had to spend some time away. All this emotions in her head wasn't good, and Emily just needed some time to think and some space to breathe. Hearing some footsteps closing in on her, she lifted her chin only to be placed slightly up so she could get a perfect view of the friend she was currently staying with. Bless her soul.

"Am I that dumb? Am I that clueless?" Emily huffed, before taking a sip from the maroon colored mug.

Gabriella chuckled before leaning against Emily's arm. "Nah, I think you've just achieved zero percent of experience." She ruffled Emily's hair as they both laughed half-heartedly, knowing they were both still in despair with what had happened.

The television screen was flooded with different kinds of Disney movies, and Emily couldn't help but think of her mother, and Niall at the same time. She felt like such a lousy daughter, and Gabriella couldn't help but point out that she wasn't. Gabriella was such a help right now, Emily thought.

It wasn't like Emily was full on bawling, but it didn't matter - she was still devastated with her mother's death. Strangers might look at her and think she's outrageous for having a few laughs with her friend, but the people who knew her would know that this wasn't something unusual. She was strong, and she wasn't easily vulnerable.

It was hard for Emily to be the one who had to let go of her mother, and as much as she looked up to her mother in life, she knew this wasn't a bad ending. Diana lived her life courageously and amazingly, something Emily idolized. Sometimes, Emily wondered if there was anything that Diana would've wanted done before she died, but nothing was possible to be listed. She left the world with a content heart, including Emily getting happily married in her death wish.

The only regret that came to Emily's mind was the simple lack of time spent with her mother; college and work being the ultimate reason even though it was for the sake of them both. Emily knew it was important, but if she had the time to spend with her mother, she'd do it in a heartbeat.

Emily had concluded that Diana's death was viciously paining her inside, but she knew better than to hold a bitter feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew her mother wouldn't want her sad, especially since she had long expected this death to happen. Maybe, there would be some validity in accepting Diana's death; Emily knew that a part of her had went along with Diana, and she knew Diana had stayed put somehow, along in the pit of her heart and memories. Her mother will always be there for her, she just knew it.

"I told Mr. Parker about your one week leave, it was the least I could do for you, Ems." Gabriella said, as they remained on the couch after the credits were rolling for Beauty and The Beast. Emily stood up straighter, and curled against Gabriella, and let out a small sigh.

"Thanks G, it means a lot." She mumbled, feeling her eyes drooping by the second.

Gabriella smiled. "I just want you to get better, okay? You have to rest and think, Diana wouldn't want you to be sad, and I bet you Niall would be sad if you were sad." She had been informed earlier about what Niall had done, and Gabriella had to confess; Emily was a loser for turning Niall down and running away. But it wasn't her choice, and she respected Emily's decisions. She had a lot on her plate to take in, and she would be doing that, sooner or later.

---

Emily sighed. She was all alone in Gabriella's 'crib' and she had no clue what to do. She was one step away from combusting with words and words flooding her mind, but her poetry book was at her place. How could she be so dumb leaving it behind? Emily huffed, slightly frustrated with how pathetic it was, so she grabbed some pieces of unused paper for her to scribble on.