deathwish • horan

poetry book

Niall was in bed, and not much has happened. It has only been him and the television the last few days, accompanied by some cups of instant noodles and tins of carbonated drinks. It sure felt like some of his guilty pleasure, but he wasn't happy - at all.

He hadn't been to work since last week, the day that Emily left him alone. The thought always brought tears to his eyes, and he couldn't help but curse again, knowing that Emily had such a large affect on his life. Hell, the house even reminded him of her, what else was he capable to do?

Without her, he felt like he was nobody, and he just killed time as it came and went.

As much as he wanted to run back to Maura's house, he wanted some time alone and away from people. He felt like this was such a dent in his life, making him feel something he's never felt before. Emily leaving to somewhere he had no clue about made him feel so devastated. He was clueless on what to do.

It was like he was a mouse trying to find the exit in the maze, and he keeps finding traps instead of the cheese at the exit. It was like Emily was the glorious cheese that he would devour all his life.

"Ugh," Niall groaned, feeling the urge to piss and the trip to the toilet wasn't all that near. He got up from the bed, and clumsily walked over to the bathroom before completing his sudden needs. He wasn't sure when was his last shower, and he wasn't sure when was the last time he even looked at himself in the mirror.

Trust me, he wouldn't want to know either.

But people don't always get what they want since he was in the toilet, and the mirror was right in front of him. He never would've thought he'd look ugly with a growing beard on his face, but his assumptions were slowly evading since he immediately grabbed the shaver.

All this nonsense had to stop.

Emily couldn't have ran far, and she must've been with someone this past week. It was impossible for her to be alone, and he knew it was impossible for her to be somewhere he wasn't attainable of.

Honestly speaking, he missed watching her every movement, he missed eating her wonderful feasts, he missed how her voice lingered in his mind, he missed the feeling knowing that someone cared about how his day went, or what happened that he was in a bad mood, he missed knowing that she was at home waiting for him with no expectations of sex instead just wanting him to be there for the sake of it.

Hell, he missed that smile on her beautiful face.

"Why me?" he asked his reflection, rinsing the after shave off his face and he felt fresher and more alive than 30 minutes ago. He looked better, and he pondered between the risk of taking a shower. Should he or should he not?

Nah, maybe later.

Walking out of the bathroom, he decided to walk around to the kitchen, his stomach grumbling making him feel awfully hungry. Grabbing a cup of instant noodles, he placed it next to the water boiler, before pressing some buttons so the water would be heated. Waiting, he grabbed a tin of strawberry soda and took some sips, devouring the sweet gassy taste of it.

As he sat in the kitchen, he realized he had left the door open, making the end of the living room visible to his sight. The picture frame that stood there caught his gaze and his heart soared at the memory of Diana and Emily on the day of their wedding. Diana's last words were echoing in his mind, and he kept recollecting the sight of Emily in her wedding dress.

Beautiful wasn't even close to describe how amazing she looked.

Hearing the hiss of the water boiler, he poured it into the cup and stirred it along with the substances prepared for the instant effect. He was soon getting bald if he kept this up. This could never happen if Emily was here, she would prepare food that was amazing to break his taste buds. Gosh, he missed her so much.