deathwish • horan

letting her go

Niall wasn't sure how many hours had passed since he sat in front of her door. He decided to stand and walk to the kitchen, and he felt numbness in his legs as he desperately wanting to rid off the dry tears that made his skin scratchy and irritating. His mind wasn't in a proper situation, and the only thoughts that made him feel alive was how he wanted Emily to realize what she had done.

Emily had made Niall fall for her so fvcking hard, she didn't even notice it.

Walking back to her door, he placed his ear against the it, and he was wanting to search for some kind of evidence that she was awake. Nothing was heard, but Niall thought fvck it, he wanted to talk to her.

His knuckles rattled against the door that separated the both of them apart, and Niall leaned his forehead against it, hoping for her to open it, as he wanted to see her in front of him again. She was the assurance that he needed for him to keep living, and he was the only person that kept him sane; not really at the moment, but this was just some misunderstanding. Ugh, can this even get any worse?

Blue orbs fluttered open once he felt the door move against his forehead, and his heart throbbed at how Emily stood in front of him, and he desired to have her in his arms again; but who was he kidding? He didn't deserve her at all, but he wanted her - no, he needed her.

Their eyes were fixed against each other, and no one was breaking the gaze and it was as if their emotions were connected through their blue orbs.

If only she had patience to understand / if only he tried to grasp the truth

If only he thought more / if only she overthought less

If only she trusted his actions over his words / if only he stopped running in circles

But now they're gone / left with bare memories

"Emily," Niall mumbled, his arms trying to grasp around for something to hold on -accurately her, but he couldn't- so he held onto the door that was currently wide open. "Please don't do this to me."

Words were forming in his mind, and his brain was clotted with apologies and romantic words to mention for the only girl that held his heart, but nothing was escaping his parted lips. It felt like time was frozen and he couldn't help but fail himself by struggling to speak.

Emily shook her head slowly, "You were the one who wanted me to go, Niall." Her voice couldn't be less than a whisper, and Niall's bottom lip quivered slightly at how everything was such a disaster. His previous feelings were nothing, they were ruthless thoughts of such a heartless man. He was determined for Emily to know that everything has changed; but his tongue was tied, and his throat was clogged.

Their eyes weren't fixed in a trance anymore, and Emily's eyes were roaming the tiled floor. She couldn't bear looking at such a fragile Niall, and she couldn't help but feel her eyes flooding with tears threatening to drip.

"She loved you, Niall." she paused, only to meet narrowed eyes upon her. "She wouldn't have hit me if she didn't love you. So go back to her, just forget we happened or something."

Emily went to shut the door in Niall's face, but he wasn't having it. This was not going to happen without him fighting for her. This was absurd.

"God damnit, what is your problem?!" Niall growled, his hand smacking against the door and his other hand tugging on his unruly hair. Emily's eyes widened at how sudden his actions were. He was a mess, tears dribbling down his face and his breath coming out in pants. Niall has never felt so frustrated in his entire life.

Niall rubbed his face. "Love cannot be forced, and I don't love Brittany. S-she just loved me for my money, Millie." He licked the salty taste on his lips. "I've never felt this way, until I met you. I thought I loved Brittany because she never left me but y-you made me realize something. You cared about me, and not my money. You wanted to know how my day was, a-and she didn't." His eyes were screwed shut, as he hopelessly tried to contain his tears.