alaska • harry styles

Chapter 2

The past two weeks went by so fast, I didn't really have the chance to say goodbye to everyone, neither was I able to realise that this city, this house, these people and simply everything would be nothing but history in only a matter of time.

And that's how we ended up in our official new home in Dawson, Canada, near the border to Alaska.

We now had a middle sized, white and grey house that was covered in snow from head to toe. The short period of time we had already spent here showed me that summer wasn't part of the year, but that wasn't much of a problem for me.

I had always loved the cold and snow, but all of these expressions were new and just really shocking at first. It had been three weeks now that we lived here, but we still hadn't started school yet, not complaining though.

Today looked like I had a particularly grey and cloudy day ahead of me. The sky wasn't an infinite stretch of blue, it rather looked like World War Three with these massively heavy cloudscapes.

The moon was moving back and forth; behind the clouds and in front of them. It was new moon, if my astrology talents haven't left me yet.

Beams of moonlight streamed through the slats of my white blinds, leaving stains of light on my walls. It was silent, the only source of sound was the alarm clock on my nightstand that was slowly ticking in a melodical and calming way.

The sheets I was wrapped in felt warm and fuzzy against my cold skin, perfectly tied around the mass of my body.

I was lying in my bed and blankly stared at the wall through the hollow dark.

There were a billion thoughts going through my mind, mostly flashbacks that made me feel so low.

I missed the life I've lived before. I missed my friends that would always be there for me, my room I'd be able to feel comfortable in, even school. I missed school, even though I never thought that I would ever say that.

One of the worst things was that I couldn't even tell anyone about it, because they would just remind me that today would already be my first day of school again.

In fact, that was true. But I didn't miss some building or some nasty teachers, I missed a pair of loving arms wrapped around my waist.

I missed the way I walked through the halls with friends of mine. And I wasn't ready to replace this all with either something better or just worse. But there as no way that my mother would let me skip classes on the first day of school.

A glance at my alarm clock told me that I had exactly 34 seconds of rest left.

I was supposed to sleep, but my brain was way too loud tonight.

So I started to count the well shaped wings of my ceiling fan, waiting for the alarm to give me the privilege to get up and hear to my mother screaming and yelling at me.

At night, when there are no other sources of sounds, every little detail seems like an earthquake. It's probably the reason why I prefer the dark.

Sometimes I would just sit there and listen to the little things that surround me. Sounds cheesy, but I like it.

I checked my plans for today in my head again. Even though these last 15 seconds were supposed to be part of my rest, I rather saw them as slowly and silently destroying.

I couldn't think of anything but the fear that slowly killed me, piece by piece, bit by bit.

What if they don't like me? What if they tease me about my height, my clothes or my weight?

I didn't really care that much anymore. I used to be a lot more sensitive, but when I noticed that it wrecked me I toughened up. But behind the cage of ice I had built around my heart, there  was still something broken that waited to be fixed.

People thought that I turned into a carefree person that didn't give a shit about anything or anyone when in reality I just really learned how to hide my feelings.

I tried to distance myself from everyone, not because I wanted to hurt them, but in order to protect myself.

Kind of selfish, I know. But that's the thing that these eleven years of education had taught me yet.

My alarm clock started ringing through the silence, the same old sound that it had always been, just that back in time, I used to hate the sound and now, I was glad to have something in my life that hadn't changed.

I got out of bed slowly, turning off the alarm and getting myself ready for school.

Things had been so different lately. Everything seemed so unreal, as if one day I'm going to wake up to my old life. But I knew that it would never happen. It was impossible, even though I wished it wasn't. I wanted my old life back. I couldn't stand this nightmare that was supposed to be my new life. I didn't want any of this. I hated this.

Once I was fully dressed in a pair of black jeans, some navy blue sweater and a pair of light brown uggs, I quickly headed for the bathroom.

I was in a rush, even though I had more time than necessary.

The thin air in the bathroom wasn't much of a help for my anxiety, but neither was the reflection I saw as I stepped in front of the mirror. I had dark, purple shadows under my red eyes and my hair was a complete mess that looked like it hadn't met a brush in ages.

"Great, just great" I mumbled to myself, my voice still being hoarse. I started applying foundation on my face, in order to cover up the dark circles under my eyes that made me look like I hadn't slept for days.

I had never been a big fan of make up, but when it came to my first day in a new school, I didn't want to be known as the weird freak immediately.

I didn't really take note of how much time I was wasting on trying to get rid off the dark bags under my eyes until I heard the clamant voice of my mother going through the halls like a demoniac hurricane.

"Ally, will you finally get your arse down here, everyone's waiting for you!"

I rolled my eyes in annoyance and continued applying concealer until my furious mother burst through the door, making me drop my concealer in the porcelain sink.

"You can't get anything right, can you?" she hissed, her voice being nothing but a whisper as these transgressing words left her throat. A glint of despise passed through her cold eyes as she looked me up and down in disgust. I knew that she was never going to be satisfied. I just wasn't the daughter that she had wished for, but I honestly couldn't care less because I knew that no matter how hard I tried, she was always going to criticise me.

"I'd rather be disabled than heartless" I said.

I violently pushed her aside and ran downstairs, grabbing my backpack as I headed out of the door. I was used to my mother saying such things to me, I really was. But there came a point in life where I just wanted to get away. You don't want your family around you, you don't want your friends around you, you don't want anyone around you.

You just turn as cold as ice, even though you don't mean to, you just do. It's just something that happens and I just reached that point again.

The school wasn't that far from our house so I could walk. I would prefer turning up on my own anyway than arriving with my mother. The wind tore at my jacket as I ran down the sidewalk, my legs carrying me as fast as they could and my old pair of brown uggs hitting the frozen ground in a melodically way.

My breath was getting heavier, probably because I had never been much of a great runner. There were tears in my watery eyes as I ran through the icy air that embraced me like waves.

I couldn't stop myself from bawling my eyes out, but there was no one to take note of my tears anyway. Not like I even cared if anyone did. But what bothered me most was that when I'll reach school, there will be make-up running down my face.

Whatever, I doubt that anyone will even notice my presence anyway.

A.N: thanks a bunch for all your votes and comments, they mean the world :)