alaska • harry styles

Chapter 20

"What the hell?" I jumped up which nearly caused the table to fall over, but I couldn't care less.

"Hey, Ally" Harry said softly and took my cold hand as Mr Harmon frowned in an apologetic way.

"It's Alaska" I said, "or at least I fucking think so! I mean how am I supposed to know when I've been lied to my whole life?"

Tears were brimming in my eyes and I was fighting hard to hold them back. I didn't know how much longer I could do this anymore. Everything was too much and it only seemed to get worse. Things weren't getting any better as everyone had promised, no, they were only getting worse and worse. I felt so small and worthless and nobody seemed to care, but I knew that it was all my fault because I kept pushing everyone away when they came too close. Not because I chose to be rude, but because I knew they're going to leave anyway, once they notice how broken I actually am.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before slamming my fist against the wall. The rush of adrenaline overwhelmed me within seconds but I was pulled in Harry's arms before I had the chance to damage myself again.

"Let him finish" he pulled me on his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist to hold me back.

"Well" Mr Harmon said slowly, "it's a long story, but I think you still wanna hear it."

I looked at my hands and watched the damaged skin on my knuckles turning into a darker shade of purple as he started telling.

"When your dad was diagnosed with cancer, he decided to leave, because he didn't want you to watch him slowly fading away. He came here because he had been here a few times before and he had always loved the cold. Well, after a lot of suffering" he stopped talking for a moment and sighed, "he eventually died. He never wanted to hurt you though, Alaska. Trust me, he always loved you with every piece of his heart. He used to tell me a lot about you and I only worked for him!"

His words caught me off guard. I felt as if he just threw a 50-pound ball into my stomach.

I tried to smile, but I wasn't sure if I even wanted to. I liked the thought of actually meaning something to him, but listening to this story made me sad. I had known that he was gone, but I've never had a proof before. There had always been hope for me that maybe, just maybe he was still here, but now all hope was forsaken. Now I had a proof and it was killing me.

"The thing is that... well... you know... you're... you're not-"

"What am I not?" I snapped annoyed and furrowed my eyebrows. I bit on my tongue to prevent myself from yelling at everyone again and cracked my knuckles.

"You see, you're not his real daughter. A long time ago, your mom had a one-night-stand and that caused your parents to break up. Then your dad started a family and had a child, but soon enough they got back together and decided to keep you" he nervously tapped his fingertips on the table as he waited for my reaction, but I just stared at him.

I felt Luke's eyes lingering on me, as well as Harry's which were impatiently waiting for a reaction, but I couldn't move. I was sad and confused, furious and heartbroken, but most of all I was revolted.

It seemed like my whole life came crashing down on me and broke me into pieces. My whole life had been nothing but a little white lie and no one ever decided to tell me.

I just wasn't worth it anymore.

If my dad hadn't left now, I probably would have never found out about all of this. Why do things have to be so complicated? Why am I such a mess?

"That means... he has another daughter?" I asked quietly.

Mr Harmon nodded his head. "Her name is Eleanor Calder, she kept her mother's name."