alaska • harry styles

Chapter 15

"Ally, are you done now?" I heard yelling from the other side of the door. I groaned and rolled my eyes as I quickly wiped my hands on some paper towels.

I left the bathroom and put on my shoes. "Hurry up!" Emily said, impatiently tapping her fake nails on the door frame.

"Oh c'mon, shut up okay? You two occupied the bathroom for half an hour" I spat and walked out of the room.

I had only been there for around nine hours and I already hated it. It was almost six in the morning and we already had to leave the motel to visit the city. I didn't want to see the stupid city. I felt way too sad to even move a bone. I was a mess. I just wanted to lay in bed, stare out of the window with music blasting through my speakers and cry. I hadn't done that in a long time and I probably won't get the chance to in the next frw days. I had to share a room with two other girls. I already hated them. I hated a lot of people, basically everyone.

I found my group and immediately searched for Luke. Where was he? I couldn't see him.

I pushed my hands deeper in my pockets and leaned against the wall. This is horrible. Everything is horrible. I'm horrible. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.

"Hey there" I heard and immediately recognised Harry's voice. I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue.

What the fuck is his problem? Why can't he just leave me alone?

"What's up?" Harry asked and crossed his arms over his chest. I turned my head a bit farther away from him.

He was so annoying. His deep voice, his stupid cologne, everything!

I felt him shifting beside me, yet he never took his eyes off of me. "What's wrong?"

"Can you please fucking shut up for once?" I snapped and glared at him. He quickly put up his hands in defence and laughed.

I huffed and rolled my eyes again. "Why do you hate me so much?" he continued.

"I hate everyone" I said annoyed.

"Why's that?"

"Because loving hurts."

I don't know why I actually told him. I wanted him to stop asking these questions and it seemed like he wouldn't shut up unless I gave him an answer.

"So love hurts?" Harry asked, speaking up a bit to be louder than the crowd of people around us.

"No" I shook my head, "loving hurts. Love doesn't hurt. Getting cheated on hurts and so does getting replaced, but that ain't love."

I watched Harry nodding his head in agreement. I bit on my bottom lip like I always did when something bothered me.

I felt anxious about all the people. I felt judged and misunderstood. I was terrified of people and I couldn't help it.

I wanted Luke. Not in a sexual way, but in a way that made me hate myself. I promised myself I wouldn't need anyone. I promised myself that I'll shut everyone out and now I found myself wanting someone by my side.

"Where's Luke?" I asked Harry. I tried to act casual, cold and confident, but I was nervous.

"I haven't seen him yet. Don't worry though, he'll surely come" he said grinning.

I slowly nodded and listened to the voices of my demons that taught me to hate myself.

*

Minutes passed like hours. I felt like the time stood still as I sat in the bus, barely listenting to my teacher that was giving a lecture about the city, Tanacross. I also had managed to find Luke, yet I knew the reason why he was late. I spotted several cuts on his wrists earlier and I wanted to slap myself for it. I could have been there. This was my fault.