alaska • harry styles

Chapter 6

I stood anxiously in front of Harry, staring into his greenish-grey eyes.

I had built my walls back up, but Harry somehow seemed to crash them all. It was pretty obvious that I was already known as the one that doesn't care by everyone I've met here, but this dork hit my soft spot without doing anything at all.

But I won't let him get close. This time, I won't risk to break. I won't ever break again. I've promised not to let anyone get too close to me. And I don't make promises to break them.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, biting on his bottom lip.

His forehead was in frowns, setting crinkles to the corners of his grey eyes which were no longer filled with disgust and hate, the way they were when he was looking at Lucas earlier. Now there was a faint blue and green burning bright beyond, clearly shining through the thick grey nuance.

Harry had this kind of eyes which you can easily get lost in and I, naive and immature, immediately fell for them.

"Just thinking about my dad" I mumbled without any further thoughts about it.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows. "Sorry, what did you say?" He asked me.

I mentally face palmed myself for this, I can't just tell a complete stranger about my life! What was I even thinking? It's not like he cared anyways. "None of your business. Just leave me alone" I snapped and got out of his grip.

I ran down the hallway. My feet carried me over the white and black tiles as fast as they could, even if they felt like jelly. My heart was pounding underneath my ribs, somehow in a melodious rhythm to the sound of my shoes hitting the floor and all of sudden I started to take note of things I didn't recognise before. The lights suddenly blinded me. I had never noticed how bright they were. The framed works of art upon the white walls suddenly gained my attention. The voices that filled the halls now seemed so ridiculously loud.

I was different. And I had always been so different from the others. I had always been more sensitive and small details stuck with me for ages while the ones that are considered as important never crossed my mind, yet I didn't know whether it was a good or a bad thing.

I reached the restroom to find each of the ten stalls unoccupied, apart from the ninth one. I quickly entered one and locked the door behind me. The noise was shut out, therefore the voices in my head started to scream, they started to yell and they were more violent than ever. I had never been aware of how loud silence is until it was screaming at me.

With my back against the wall, I slid down to the floor and stared at the depressing green tiles. I had always despised the colour green, I just couldn't stand it. In general, I preferred cold colours. Colours like blue and white, or black and grey. Society would usually say that black is depressing and boring, but I'd always seen it as deep and meaningful. Society says that it depresses them, but what depresses me are bright colours. They don't have any substance. They're happy and carefree, but I'm not and therefore I don't like them.

I spent the time wondering again until my head felt like it was going to explode.

The last few minutes passed by pretty quick, so I got up again and left the stall. I was about to walk around the corner that led to the sinks when I spotted something that made me stop dead in my tracks. Or rather someone.

In front of the left sink, there stood a girl about my height with messy black hair who was holding a wallet in her left hand whilst tucking ten dollars behind a mirror which was hung up on the wall. I watched her until she glanced at the mirror to see the reflection of me. My eyes widened as she froze in her action, I just hurried out of the restroom.

Damn, this girl was creepy.

I rushed to my locker to get my stuff, having her on my mind. What was she doing? And why would she hide money in the restroom?

I shrugged it off and searched for my next period. I wasn't in mood for talking to Lucas, but I couldn't care less about coming late since it was my first day here. It took me quite a while to reach the classroom, throughout my way I actually wondered about just skipping because no one seemed to miss me anyway, but I decided to better not. My mother would be furious if she found out that her daughter skipped classes. I wasn't scared of her, I wasn't scared at all, but I chose to avoid anything that could cause drama.

No sooner I found myself taking seat in the next classroom. A slender teacher with short and dark curly hair ordered me to sit next to a certain Harry whose presence I was actually trying to avoid. Not to mention that my plans were crashed.

I sunk in my chair and turned my head to the wall. I felt Harry's eyes connected to my body, I felt them burning holes in my skin. Harry's eyes were mesmerising, they had this demonstrative blue, a dark grey and a soft green in them, but if you took a close look, you could see the earth. The depths of blue oceans, the safe green land and the dangerous grey hurricanes. But the earth spins and you won't ever be able to keep on facing only one side unless you go with it, moving in the same paze. But I wasn't the one that would run after people.

During the lesson, I stared at the bright yellow wall and its features. The navy blue wardrobes, the grey window frames, the white ceiling and the grey linoleum underneath my feet. I noticed that my woren out, black boots were unlaced as always. I never bothered lacing them since I didn't see the point in getting down on my knees in front of anyone. I was a complicated person and I've always been. Back in primary school, others used to describe me as the quiet and shy one, the one that would rather watch the snow through the dirty windows instead of playing in it. I was sitting in a snow globe, terrified of someone breaking the glass, but now I realised that I eventually broke myself. Things have changed, tables have turned and in order to fix myself, I built a cage of ice around my fragile heart.

"Daddy" I asked. "Why is life so unfair?" I was curled up in bed and held onto my blanket tight.

A heavy sigh escaped his slightly parted lips. "Life is fair because it's unfair to everyone. It's just the way you look at it, Ally. When you ask people about life, they tell you about rough times. When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak" he said and pulled me back in his arms.

His words were still engraved in my mind. My innocent eight-year old-self couldn't understand my father's wise words properly, but I've never forgotten about them. I remembered every advice he's given to me, I remembered each of my tears he's dried and I remembered every damn moment of his absence.

A/N: Stay alive friends, a band member's gonna need u in a wedding dress one day, just sayin