alaska • harry styles

Chapter 24

I sneaked out of the house some minutes later to go and see Luke as I had promised and to say I was surprised about my mom not noticing would be a huge understandment. She would have never let me go after the argument we had only a few hours earlier and to top it off, it was starting to get dark out.

An icey wind buffeted me roughly as I ran down the in snow covered streets and shoved my hands deeper in my pockets, desperately trying to keep warm. God, I was so cold. My heavy legs could barely function anymore and therefore soon gave in, making me fall to the ground in the headlights of a parked car. I started crying uncontrollably as shivers ran down my spine from the snow against my bare arms and a scream escaped my tight throat. My heart became heavy and I needed to remind myself to breathe while I was suffocating, my hands gripping my hair and tears streaming down my face. I was gasping for air to keep my lungs in chess and I wanted to remind myself that things are going to be okay, that everything will be just fine, but I knew that it's complete lie. This sadness is eternal and I'll never be okay. There's nothing I can do about it. Things are never going to be alright.

I screamed at the top of my lungs and wrapped my arms around my shaking body while I was falling apart. Each thought that crossed my mind added fuel to the fire in my lungs and made it harder to breathe. I knew that if I stayed out here much longer I would probably catch hypothermia, but I couldn't care less. I was ready to die, oh god, I was so ready.

My screams died down eventually until I was nothing more than a sobbing mess that laid on the pavement in a freezing cold night, only wearing an old Green Day shirt, ripped skinny jeans and combat boots.

I couldn't remember what happened then, but according to the unfamiliar room I woke up in, I must have fallen asleep and someone had found me lying there peacefully.

I found myself lying in a comfy bed, wrapped in several blankets and I immediately started panicking as I noticed that this wasn't my bed. This place seemed unfamiliar and I definitely didn't want to be here, neither could I remember coming here in first place.

Where the hell am I?

I sat up carefully and looked around the room, seeing punk band posters covering the walls and someone sitting on the floor with their back against the wall and a cell phone in their hands.

It was Luke.

I tried to speak up since he hadn't noticed I was awake by now, but when I tried to talk my throat only felt sore and no sound came off of my lips. This was just great. I rolled my eyes and moved around to gain his attention, making him look at me in confusion.

"Oh hey, you're awake" he said slowly, "are you okay?"

I shook my throbbing head and pointed at my sore throat to show him I couldn't talk at all.

"You can't talk? Okay, hold on, I'll be right back" he told me smiling sympathetically and left his room.

I rubbed my bloodshot eyes and yawned as I looked around the room. It was medium sized and his king sized bed took up pretty much half of the room while the walls were just barely visible since there were posters and vinyls taped everywhere, but I liked it.

While I was admiring his room, he came back with a cup of steaming hot tea in his hands which he handed me after plopping down next to me. I forced a smile upon my face and gulped down half of it before thanking him quietly.

"Better?" he asked gently and I nodded smiling.

I wanted to ask him about yesterday night and how he found me, but I was scared that he might ask what I was even doing. In fact, I did have an answer for that but I didn't really want to tell him or anyone at all, even though it was so simple. I had a breakdown and anxiety almost killed me. But I guess that's what anxiety is supposed to do.