alaska • harry styles

Chapter 27

Time went on, days passed by. The winter was coming to an end and spring replaced the snow with higher temperatures and blooming flowers. This was probably the first time that I didn't fear summer coming, for once I actually believed the summer wouldn't be that bad. Ever since I had met Luke's and my own dad Andrew, I spent nearly every day at Luke's place until I kind of moved in, leaving my mom with my sisters. At first she didn't want me move out which caused some trouble since I wasn't 18 yet, but in the end I was allowed to go because Andrew was my dad. Harry fortunately didn't mind that I lived with Luke since he knew what my mom was like and I think he was rather relieved, knowing I wouldn't be alone at all. In fact, I kind of got better since I moved out. I tried to move on and get over my father's death, even if it was unbelievably hard, at least I tried. As crazy as it sounds, I tried getting better. It seemed unbelievable only a few weeks ago and after all I still relapsed and felt like I couldn't do this, but I tried.

I sat on my new bed with my back against the wall as I talked to Harry who was right by my side.

"It's crazy how far we've come, isn't it?" he said smiling faintly.

"Yeah" I said, "I didn't think I would ever get any better. I mean it just seemed so impossible. I was trapped in my eternal sadness until I realised that nothing lasts forever."

"You're right" Harry said as he stared at the yellow wall across the room, "happiness can be found anywhere. You just need to focuse on it."

I smiled at him and his eyes lit up with amusement. "Well said, Shakespeare" I giggled and he laughed.

"I like your new room. It looks happier than our old one" he said after a while.

"Me too. I kinda connect with yellow" I told him, referring to the light shade of yellow upon the walls that Luke and I painted two weeks ago.

"Why?" Harry asked and looked at me.

"Vincent Van Gogh used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would get the happiness inside him. People thought he was stupid because eating yellow paint clearly can't make you any happier and above all the paint is toxic, but I think he was just really depressed. I mean he was so unhappy, yet so desperate to feel true happiness, so even the maddest idea seemed like a solution to him and he did it" I said randomly.

"That's deep" Harry laughed, "but you're probably right."

I chuckled and leaned my head on his shoulder as I felt his arm loosely wrapping around my waist.

"You know what?" he asked me out of the blue, "I'm so proud of you."

"For what?" I asked hesitantly, not sure what he was talking about.

"You've been through so much, but still you're fighting everyday to find a reason to stay alive" he said.

"I gave up a lot of times."

"You didn't give up on your life though. You felt like you would be sad for the rest of your days and you wanted to end your life many times, but there was always something holding you back. I guess that's what they call hope. You thought you were a hopeless case and you would never experience happiness, but you didn't stop hoping, not at all" Harry told me and I hugged him closer.

"Thank you" I said, "you're probably right. But... I don't know. I still get this feeling sometimes. I constantly relapse and I fail."

"Relapse is a part of recovery, Ally."

I smiled to myself, knowing he was absolutely right. He hardly failed at making me smile and therefore I loved him. He saved me in every way he could and I was more than grateful.

"You can't live a life full of happiness without accepting the fact that there will be bad days. Sadness is a part of your life, but you choose how big that part is" he added, choosing his words wisely.

"Thank you, Harry. You saved my life."

"No, I didn't. You saved your own life" he said softly as he played with my hair.

"You gave me a reason to save my own life. You inspired me."

"I love you, Alaska" he said and I looked up at him as a smile crept on my face.

"I love you" I replied as I leaned in for a kiss. His soft lips met mine and he kissed me with pure passion, sending shivers up and down my spine.

Finally I understood what happiness was all about. It wasn't about never being sad or always being happy, it was about always finding something to be happy about. You need to create your own happiness. But after all? happiness can be found anywhere, because everybody carries happiness inside of them.
If you search for it, you won't find it. If you believe in it, it will always be there.

That's what happiness is all about.

A/N: the end.

OHM YGOD THIS IS THE END IM SO SORRY I CANT BELIEVE THAT THIS IS THE ACTUAL END I HOPE YOU LIKED IT THO IF YOU DID LET ME KNOW IF U DIDNT JUST PRETEND YOU DID OK THANKS

i just wanna thank you all so much for reading this book and commenting and just existing in general bc aw omg ily *group hug*

i hope that vincent van gogh thing didnt freak u out lmao i just kinda like him and he was a great artist ok (btw the painting in the media was made by him in case u were wondering)

ok so i hope youre all okay bc i dont want any of u to be sad and i hope things will work out for each of you and youll live happily ever after with ur fav (unless its my fav too then we obviously need to share but sharing is caring so)

stay alive friends x

(photo credits: http://www.vangoghgallery.com/catalog/image/0612/Starry-Night.jpg )