alaska • harry styles

Chapter 23

The days after passed by quickly and no sooner, we were already leaving again. I didn't mind though, I knew I wasn't going to miss this anyway. Maybe I'll miss Luke and Harry, as much as I wish I won't, but I definitely won't miss getting locked in a hotel and being the total outcast.

I had always been an outcast and most of the time I couldn't care less.

I stood on the front porch step, wondering how things are going to be. I didn't want to meet my mom and I didn't want to feel the emptiness of this lonely and broken home. All I wanted was my old life back, because if this is supposed to be my new one, then I don't want it.

I hate everything about this.

To say that I had gotten better was a lie. Once Luke had dropped me off here, I felt as low as possible, knowing I now had to continue trying to survive in this hellhole. I don't even know why exactly I despised this house so much. I guess it just reminded me of so many things. I thought things would be different now, but I was wrong.

Oh god, I was so wrong.

It took me a while to gather up the courage to finally ring the bell. My mind was immediately flooded with questions that I wouldn't find answers for and thoughts that I shouldn't be having.

I would have rather turned around and ran until I was lost than stood here, trying to prepare myself for facing my mom again. My mom, the woman that had been lying to me for the past 16 years.

I cracked my knuckles as an attempt to distract myself and the door was opened. I was met by the same old pair of piercing grey eyes that looked as emotionless as my face when I pushed past her with my suitcase behind me and rushed upstairs after kicking my shoes off.

"Ally! What's wrong with you?" I heard her yelling over the sound of my suitcase rolling over the tiles.

"I could ask you just the same!" I yelled back and entered my room, "I mean it wasn't me who lied to their daughter about her entire existence!"

I threw the door shut and collapsed on my bed. My body felt like a heavy wreck and my heart was shattered, like a glass vase that had been dropped on a hardwood floor. I was drowning in myself. My thoughts were coming in floods and memories drained me, yet no one saw me struggling.

I was fighting a battle against myself and I knew that one day I'd lose this fight.

I put my headphones in and closed my eyes, crying until I fell asleep to the sound of Bring Me The Horizon.

*

I woke up half an hour later to feel someone's presence closely. I sat up and saw Harry sitting on the edge of my bed with his legs crossed.

My eyes felt tired and according to the stains on my pillow, mascara was probably smudged around my face which made me feel like a complete fool. I didn't expect him to come. I didn't even know that he knew where I lived.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. I felt embarrassed about him seeing me like that, all weak and tired.

"I wanted to check on you. I had the feeling something wasn't alright. Your mom let me in, even though she didn't seem too satisfied" he said laughing.

I nodded and he scooted closer to me, making my heart beat faster. His cologne distracted me from the bad thoughts that came to my head, such as fear of him and the question why he really came here. I didn't believe him when he said he just wanted to check on me. Why would he care if I was doing good? No one cared about me and it seemed impossible to like me. But all in all, I couldn't blame anyone. They have every right not to like me, I don't even like myself.