alaska • harry styles

Chapter 12

"Before the lesson ends I have one thing left to inform you about" the instructor told as she grabbed a pack of papers and distributed them.

I was surprisingly paying no attention to what she was saying. I had lost myself in the depths of my mind again and I didn't know how to get back out, neither did I have the energy to. Just when I heard the class starting to cheer and clap, I felt myself returning.

"We'll get there by bus and we'll stay for exactly one week. It's the week before winter break, the exact date is written on the letters" she continued talking.

I frowned and furrowed my eyebrows at her.

What the hell is she talking about?

I slowly lifted my head and turned over to Lucas. I know it's weird to constantly ask what the teacher just said because I wasn't paying any attention, but when I realised I was in history class and I was facing Harry, it was even weirder. I hadn't talked to him ever since my panic attack back at Starbucks.

Harry laughed at me and raised his eyebrow. "You didn't pay attention?" he chuckled amused.

"Uh, no" I said, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back so I didn't have to look at his face anymore.

I hated it. I hated looking at people or being forced into a conversation which I'd end up leaving because I can't stand conversations. And I hated especially this one. I hated looking into Harry's eyes, mainly because they were so unpredictable. They were an ocean full of secrets and I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. I didn't know anything at all and that's why I decided to isolate myself from people.

"She said that we'll be going on a trip to a city in Alaska since we're seniors now and all seniors here do this" Harry told me.

I slowly nodded my head, tapping my pencil on the desk while I replayed his words inside my head.

A school trip to Alaska? That means you have to sleep in one room with people who don't appreciate your presence, you have to stay by a group and you have to follow the rules, right?

I sighed and nervously cracked my swollen knuckles. I couldn't stay by a group- I just couldn't! I had social anxiety disorder, very bad anxiety to be honest. I was diagnosed at the age of 14 and ever since I've tried to cover up. I didn't want to seem shy. I just wanted everyone to stay away from me.

My mind wandered over every little detail of my mental disorder and the horrific idea of a school trip. I couldn't do this. I knew I couldn't.

Everything's a mess and so am I, but I can't seem to find a way out. It's like I'm living in an open cage, but I'm too scared to escape and I don't know what to do.

I finally heard the bell ringing, signaling the end of my last lesson. I jumped up and grabbed my backpack and jacket to leave as quick as possible since Lucas was probably already waiting for me.

I got to my locker where I put some of my books which I wouldn't need for homework. I was about to close my locker when I suddenly felt someone's breath on the back of my neck.

I froze dead in my tracks before I turned around, ready to slap whoever got this close to me. Harry. I didn't have enough time to let my hand collide with his cheek since he easily caught it in his hands when I raised it.

"What do you want?" I growled, closing my locker again and leaning against it.

I didn't want to be rude, but I didn't want him to think he could play with me either. I guess I was just used to being rude.

"I wanna know if you're alright" Harry said, his eyes following my every movement.

"I'm alright" I told him and looked away. I knew I wasn't okay and so did Harry. I didn't want him to ask what's my problem, because most of the time, there isn't even a problem.