The Hidden Gem

Not a chapter

I'm sorry it's been a long time, I haven't mean to leave you! It's been rough year with last year of high school, and then getting ready for college, then an unexpected death and going away to school. And now I hate my school, it's truly been crazy! Hahah and I'm sorry about that. For those left I have a chapter in the process, My finals for with semester is coming up soon so no promises! One I wanted you all to know I'm not dead, two I need to put some words on paper. So don't feel forced to read, it's cool. Just my thoughts and some of you might enjoy it! And I'd like opinion if your willing to share it!
    I'm in love. Something I never wanted, I wanted move on join the peace corps,  save the world, feed hungry, become a special Ed teacher and along the way have kids. Love wasn't what mattered to me, which sounds awful to me know because what's the point to not have love. It's just never fit in my plan of helping the most amount of people I could. 1 year and 1 month ago my good friend sense 4th grade asked me out in our school Libary. I don't know why I said yes, it slipped out so quickly like I didn't even think. Like naturally I knew I needed to say yes. I've always loved him, as a friend though. He helped me through many things, and always made sure to sit with me every morning on the bus sense freshmen year of high school. 45 minutes everyday for 4 years becomes a true bonding experience, we just got eachother. So I don't know why I said yes, but I couldn't have been happier.
Let me be honest, I want to save the world and help as many people as I can, he's aggressive and controlling. He wants things to be a certain way, and can easily become violent. (Honestly he gotten better over the years) he's not violent to me, ever. I hate conflict and anger! I actually go into panic attacks, so we avoide the whole fighting thing. He knows this and once he got really mad at me. So instead of yelling like he wanted to, he glared and then rapidly began annoyingly kissing my face. I could write a whole story on our relationship because it's odd, but I'd never trade it for the world. The point of this was, i love him. He's my best friend, the person that can naturally calm me down. One of the only guys that when touching me doesn't make my skin crawl, no he's not perfect but still. The point of this is, he's moving to England for college. (Technically Scotland, his family is from England, so he's always wanted to go and then found a school he loves in Scotland.)  (we are in America, just in case someone is actually reading this) and I'd never in a million years ask him to stay for me, nor would I leave my life here. Because he makes me happy, more then I can explain to you guys. But this is our different lives. So I guess that's the real point of this, not matter how perfect someone makes you feel, how happy and whole remember that your life is important too. I'm not saying never change your plans, but I'm saying feel the depth of the love! Take it in and let the pure wonderfullness kill you. Even in this stay true to your wants and needs, I guess this is a reminder to me. I love him, more then those words explain. But this is my life to live, and I want to save as many people as I can, not matter if that means loosing out on someone that I truly love and understand.

You Guys are great! Feel free to comment on my problem if you want, I'm free to talk about it with you if your willing to read and think about it. I don't mind either way! Love ya guys!