You Can't Save Me..

Chapter 35

Luke's POV

"I have some bad news." Said the doctor and my breath hitches. Can this really get any fucking worse?

"We have completed the physical exam and have found no reason for her anxiety attacks or her depression. Nothing has been diagnosed, but we will be calling in a psychiatrist to question her so we can make a thorough diagnosis. We will be keeping her overnight and the specialist will arrive in the morning. Until then, I recommend her stress levels be kept down and any mention of what is going on with social services is kept quiet." He says in a bored tone, almost as if he says this kind of thing everyday. I bet he does. Asshole.

I think Evan could see the anger on my face so he answers instead. "Thank you sir." Then pushes me back into Ashton's room before I can yell at him.

I take a deep breath before walking over to my baby.

She's not gonna like that she has to stay overnight.

"Ash babe?" I say, gaining her attention.

"Yeah Luke?" She says with a smile, as if she didn't just have a panic attack.

"They want to keep you overnight. A, um, specialist is coming in the morning." I say carefully.

I see the smile fall from her face then pull itself right back up when she remembers she's not alone. "Okay. That's fine. Why don't you guys take them home so they don't have to stay here tonight. Addi, Sky, I'll be fine. I'm just gonna stay here tonight to be sure it'll never happen again! You should have a slumber party with Evan tonight and Luke can go hang out with his family." She says, faking being okay with staying in this antiseptic smelling hole.

"Ashton, I'm not leaving your side tonight. I don't care if it was a panic attack or a heart attack, either way, you're in the hospital and so am I." I say, angered she thought I would ever leave.

"Okay. I'll take everyone home and we'll have a party tonight!" Evan says, butting in.

I look over at him, silently thanking him before giving Addi and Sky hugs and giving a curt nod to Jake and Evan.

They walk out of the room, both little girls yawning slightly. It's only then that I realize it's already 8:30. It seems like only seconds ago I was waking up beside Ashton. I sigh a little bit before taking a seat on the bed beside Ashton.

"So, how are you?" I ask.

"I'm good." She says flatly.

"Ashton! You just had a panic attack and social services said your mom was a caring parent! You call this good?" I raise my voice slightly.

"Luke, I'm trying to look at the good parts. I have no physical damage from my attack. My family is not being torn apart. And my beautiful boyfriend is here with me." She says in a soft voice looking into my eyes.

She's right. But I want her to talk to me. I want her to tell me when she's not okay. And I know she's not. She's smiling and laughing and her voice is steady, but her eyes are screaming out for me to notice. I take a deep relaxing breath before I start talking.

"You're right. But I want you to know it's okay to not be okay. And it's more than okay to tell me." I say, looking into her eyes before pulling her into my chest and wrapping my arms around her.

Only seconds later, I feel her shaking against me while she sobs softly. "Shh, it's okay. You don't always have to be the strong one." I say while rubbing her back in small circles and leaving little pecks along her neck, knowing it calms her down.

-

Ashton's POV

Luke just told me I had to stay at the hospital overnight. I can't make them stay overnight because this place is a hole. Seriously, the doctor is an ass. He wouldn't let Luke or Evan in here for a while because he thought they might be a threat or some shit. Dumbass.

"Okay. That's fine. Why don't you guys take them home so they don't have to stay here tonight. Addi, Sky, I'll be fine. I'm just gonna stay here tonight to be sure it'll never happen again! You should have a slumber party with Evan tonight and Luke can go hang out with his family." I say, putting on a smile and praying Luke won't notice. I know he will though.

Minutes later, everyone except Luke left. I feel like shit. My head hurts and I have this pain in my lower back. I can't feel my legs either. But I'm not gonna say anything because I need to get home for the girls as soon as possible.

"So, how are you?" Luke asks, already knowing the answer.

"I'm good." I say, not meeting his eyes.

"Ashton! You just had a panic attack and social services said your mom was a caring parent! You call this good?" He says, raising his voice slightly. I don't even flinch. I know he's right, but if I always look at the bad, it's only going to make it worse and it's bad enough as it is.

"Luke, I'm trying to look at the good parts. I have no physical damage from my attack. My family is not being torn apart. And my beautiful boyfriend is here with me." I say, lying a little bit about the physical damage. My legs are kind of tingly now and my head is pounding.

"You're right. But I want you to know it's okay to not be okay. And it's more than okay to tell me." That's when I break down in his arms. That's all it takes. It's never been okay for me to break down. I'm not allowed to be weak. I'm the one that fixes myself and everyone else. I don't have time to not be okay, but now, sitting in Luke's arms, I do.

Now I'm sobbing against his shoulder so he adds on, "Shh, it's okay. You don't always have to be the strong one." He rubs small circles on my back and I let it all go. He starts leaving little kisses along my neck, knowing it makes me feel a little better. It feels good to cry. It feels good to be weak for a moment because I know as soon as I leave this place, I can't be weak.

"My head is pounding. I can't feel my legs Luke." I finally give in, knowing if I keep it to myself it won't ever get better.

I feel his heart rate speed up slightly, but on the outside he keeps calm for me. "It's okay. I'm going to go get the doctor." Then he stands up and with a worried look in his eyes, he gives me one last kiss before exiting the room.

-

When he enters the room again, the doctor is following behind him.

He asks me a series of questions, taking notes on his stupid little clipboard.

Finally he sighs and says, "It's restless leg syndrome. You can expect pain and discomfort in your legs when laying down or resting. Treatments include reducing stress, moist warm pressure, meaning warm baths or a hot towel, stretching or massaging legs before laying down, and sleeping meds to keep you asleep when it's acting up." He sighs at the end of his monotone speech and exits the room.

"I hate him." Luke and I both say at the same time. Then we look at each other and laugh a little.

"So, if I move they'll stop hurting?" I clarify with Luke.

"I think so. Asshole didn't even bother to see if you had any questions." He says angrily.

I giggle before swinging my numb legs over the end of the bed. This shoots stabbing pains up them before feeling starts to come back slightly. I let out a low groan and close my eyes as the pain shoots through my legs.

Luke takes hold of my hand, but doesn't try to stop me or help me, knowing I won't let him due to the pride I like to pretend I have.

Finally, I stand up and move around a bit and my legs start feeling better. My head is still pounding, but that's nothing I can't handle.

I sigh and lay back down, motioning Luke to join me. He crawls into the bed and holds me against his chest. I snuggle my face into the fabric of his black shirt and inhale his scent with a smile before drifting off to sleep in this stupid antiseptic smelling hole.