Ashton's POV
It's been 5 weeks and I have yet to see that psychiatrist. We're back at school, but it's almost over.
There's like 2 more weeks, but I don't really care. I stopped taking that medicine. It wasn't helping. It was just making me sick.
I don't even feel alive anymore.
Ever since right around Christmas time, I've been really out of it.
I still kept my grades up and I still played happy for everyone, but Luke can tell.
It's really hurting him and I'm trying my hardest to be happy for him, but I just can't. I know it's a chemical thing and the neurotransmitters in my brain don't work correctly and my body doesn't produce endorphins the way it should, but I feel bad.
I can't just wallow in my own self pity all my life. It's ridiculous that I do. I don't have any reason to feel like this.
I have the best family and the best boyfriend, but I just can't force a real smile on my face.
I'm hurting him by hurting myself.
But I can't stop.
I lay for hours trying to fall asleep, but I just can't. The pain in my legs won't go away. I try moving them around and eventually it fades.
I crawl back into bed and slow my breathing.
Finally I realize I'm not going to fall asleep and give up.
I stare at the ceiling, curled up in my blankets in the dark.
Tears don't maneuver down my face and sobs don't rack my body.
I just lay there.
Emotionless.
Numb.
Empty.
YOU ARE READING
You Can't Save Me..
Fanfiction"You just can't save me." She would say. "I can try." He whispered as she drifted off to sleep. Her name was Ashton. She suffered from depression since age 8, been cutting since age 10, and starving since age 12. She knew from the beginning she had...
