Finding Myself

Stop

Finally after another hour or so we arrive at the cabin. It looks like one of those resort cabins with the lake in the back. I admit, it was pretty damn awesome. Maybe with this trip I can avoid Shay and Thomas at all cost, after all this place is pretty big. "Everyone up," my dad says opening his door. Everyone exits the car, grabs their bags, and head inside. "Banana you and GiGi share the room next to the lake," he says. "You mean the one completely separate from the house that has its own kitchen, bathroom and ,living room?" I ask starting to get a little happier. "Yeah that one," he replies smiling at me. Me and GiGi grab our stuff and make our stuff and rush down to the mini house. She smiles at me, while we walk there and talk about our passions and what we dream and thrive to be. "I just honestly want to be happy," she says looking down. I drop my bags, and look at her tears in my eyes. I wipe her tears away, "I know," I say continuing to wipe her tears away. After minutes of just looking into her eyes and trying to make what once was broken whole again we make it to the mini cabin. We unpack are things and we instantly like usual get into deep convos about depression and cutting. I noticed in her wrist before hand she had a years worth amount of cuts. I grab her wrist, once again tears forming in my eyes. I roll up her sleeve giving her a moment to explain herself. "That's nothing," she snatches her wrist away from me. "GiGi this isn't healthy, and you know damn well I'm here to help you," I say looking at her with a hurt look in my eyes. Honestly, this really hurt me, with going through her rape, and her mother passing, and not coming to me for help. We may not talk that often but if she ever felt like talking to me about it I was here no matter what time. "Yeah well somethings I have to do on my own," she says looking right back at me, fire in her eyes fueled the pain I felt. "Give me your razor blades all of them." I get up holding my hand out. "What? No!" She gets up and yells in my face. I grab her bag and open a small pocket which holds her bag of razor blades. I open it and grab one. "What the hell are you doing?" She lunges for the bag but I'm too quick. Come into the bathroom with me. I say walking into the bathroom and leaning over the bathtub. She walks in with no hesitation. "You're not going through it alone so as soon as you stop I will. Until then this is when I start." With that I start slitting my left wrist. It feels numb then they sting all at once. "Damn it B you're cutting too deep fucking stop!"She lunges at me and rips the blade from my fingers. I guess I didn't realize there was blood everywhere in the tub, she was right these were too deep. I cut a couple of veins nothing spectacular. I don't know what came over me but I burst into tears and GiGi runs over tears already down her face and puts me in her lap. She holds me and strokes my face as I cry. I scream and kick but she stays strong and holds me down. "We're never never going to talk about this as long as we live." GiGi helps me up and pulls me in close. What just happened? Why did I just feel angry at myself and do that? What's wrong with me? She hugs me not one of those regular hugs, it's one of those I'm never letting go hugs. I look up at her staring deep into her blue and silver eyes. How could someone be so hurt yet look so happy?