Finding Myself

Shower

We don't talk for minutes and we just lay down on the king bed we have. I lay on her chest in silence just holding onto her with my life. I don't think I ever want to let her go. She's not a total jerk to me, she gets me. She gets me in every way that I can imagine. She falls asleep, she looks adorable when she sleeps. I slowly get up trying not to wake her, but it doesn't work. She rolls over opening her eyes and smiling, she pulls me back in by my waist. "Leaving so soon?" She asks giving the most innocent smile ever. "Sorry I woke you up but I have to shower." Her voice is raspy and low and I admit it was pretty cute. She groans not letting go of my waist "I'm cold." I give in and lay with her for several more minutes until she is fully asleep. I slowly make my way to the bathroom and turn on the shower. I trip down taking my time making sure I don't rip any of the cuts on my wrist. The water feels amazing against my freezing cold skin. I feel like I'm cold all the way to my bones and back to my skin, just frozen with fear. I honestly think I don't want Shay anymore nor Thomas. I get that they're my best friends and all , but they just aren't worth it. There's a knock at the door, it's GiGi. "Come in!" I yell not peeking to see who it is. "Hey I have some Pineapple Express, if you want some when you get out," GiGi dangles the bag over the curtain. "Yeah just give me a sec," I say finishing soaking my hair in water. I turn the shower off, "hand me my towel," I say. I'm handed my towel and I move the curtain. I'm greeted by GiGi who's on her phone sitting on the counter. "Tommy and Shay are joining are smoke session. You okay with that?" She asks looking up at me from her phone. "No! Hell No! They are liars!" I yell not knowing what GiGi was about to tell me. "Too late baby girl, they are in the other room." She smiles down at me. Suddenly, I go numb, I thought it may be another episode I was wrong. I feel light headed and decide to sit down, then it hits me. The cuts, they are flowing a deep red stream of blood it had been going on for a while because there is already a puddle. I am just about to collapse when GiGi catches me. "Can we get some help in here!" She yells to the top of her lungs. Before my eyes roll Shay comes bursting in, "Oh shit!" She yells then my hearing fades out.