Finding Myself

Maybe More

I sit up straight in her bed and look around. I notice the bathroom door cracked open, steam coming out. I try to say Shay but realize my voice is raspy and low. The shower causes the room to warm up. I get up making my way in the bathroom. "Hey B come on in," Shay says poking her head out the shower smiling at me. I smile remembering how close we were since we were kids. Shay motions to me to walk over, I do so. She grabs my sweatshirt pulling me in close, breathing slowly, smoothly, silently. I do a half smile, "What are you doing"? Shay smiles leaning closer, "Why don't we play boyfriend and girlfriend like we used to"? Her hand warm and wet from the water reaches around my waist and under the back of my shirt. She looks into my eyes as I look back at hers. I see a small fire in her beautiful hazel eyes, as they flicker. She leans closer giving me the cutest half smile I've ever seen. What is she doing? Why am I getting butterflies, I don't want her, do I? Her hand is so warm and soft. I bite my lip as I get overwhelmed with my thoughts and strong feelings. Her thumb traces my bottom lip, rubbing against them so slowly pulling my bottom lip down a little. Then finally it happens slow yet so soft and flawless. Her lips are as smooth as silk, as plump as oranges, and as moist as 5 coats of Chapstick. Gosh did my best friend I've known since first grade kiss me? I can't, we can't, it's wrong. Her hands reaches up the back of my shirt, undoing my bra. It's a sin, but God it feels so right. I push myself away, "What the hell Shay? What are we doing"? Shay smiles, "Let loose B have a little fun baby girl!" I back away slowly then exit the bathroom at a fast pace. My heart is pounding, my head is throbbing, then everything goes numb and I collapse. God I know it's wrong but there's something about her that makes me want more. I wake up once again in her bed, I look next to me, she's there watching Netflix. She noticed I'm awake and smiles. "Finally, you're awake babe, I was starting to get lonely," she rolls over facing me. I slowly sit up and then everything hurts at once. As I sit up she does the same, looking at me with her sweet yet poisonous eyes. I grab my phone off the nightstand, and look at my notifications. I had 7 missed calls from Tommy and 8 unread texts from him, then my phone vibrates letting me know I have a new text message. I instantly open it, it's Tommy. It read, "Please tell me you're okay I'm worried about you, and we need to talk." I hesitate to respond to him and just sit there for a moment noticing the slight knot in my stomach. I stare at my phone in silence until Shay grabs it from me. "Give me this," she says grabbing my phone then getting on top of me. What the hell is she doing? Why are my hands around her waist. I don't want to want her. I want Tommy and him only. Her lips as bright as her personality lightly touch my neck, every kiss smoother than the last. My hands grip her waist a little tighter as she kisses my neck then moves up. My phone vibrates, I look down. "Hey please answer me! Your parents have been calling me asking for you and said every time they call it goes straight to voicemail! Bambi please I'm sorry I love you." I stare in silence at the ceiling. Why can't Shay just leave me alone? The tip of her tongue traces the rim of my ear. It feels like my eyes roll to the back of my head. My phone rings, it's Tommy. Shay grunts then grabs my phone and answers it. "What Thomas? She's a little busy. I don't care! Fine here," Shay hands me the phone. "Hello"? Tommy starts talking, "Hey B I'm so sorry about what happened. I didn't know it triggered your epilepsy. I think we should meet up," my breath shortens. I can't think of anything to say because I don't forgive him, I hang up.