Finding Myself

Hospitalized

I make it back home faster than I think and head back to my cabin. Tommy is waiting on me all dressed up in his super man shirt and skinny jeans. "Hey take a shower and get dressed we are going into town so I can show you some places." I had forgotten Tommy is from North Carolina and knows all the best spots. "Okay sounds fun," I say taking my beanie off and entering the bathroom. I start running the shower and I look in the mirror. I look like I need sleep and I have bags under my eyes. I start taking off my shirt then my sweats. I notice my wrist is still wrapped I'm surprised my parents didn't notice. I unwrap it slowly and carefully making sure nothing rips. At this point everything is scabs with dry blood. I take off my bra and underwear then step into the hot shower. I look on the wall, there's a little bit of fresh blood, then I look down. I see a razor on the edge of the tub, soaked with fresh blood. I could tell only GiGi did it she's the only one that cuts. "Hey I got your stuff picked out and ready for when you get out," Tommy says. I hadn't even noticed he open the door. My wrist is sore, I wash the dried blood off. I wash my hair and my face before everything else. "Okay," I respond to him. After another ten or twenty minutes I turn off the shower and open the curtain. I finish getting ready within 20 minutes including makeup. I'm wearing my "training to be superman's girlfriend" shirt, black skinny jeans, blue high top converse, and my red beanie. "Well don't you look cute," Tommy compliments me followed by a small kiss. "Why thank you Superman." I smile then open the door when I suddenly feel cold. It felt like something was wrong and everything went numb. My lips are numb and it feels like me chest is caving in. Then my phone starts ringing. I answer the phone to a crying dramatic Shay. "Come to the hospital please GiGi slit her wrists and there was blood everywhere please!" She yells in my ear. (Flashback) "Hey GiGi I got what you asked fo-" I'm cut off by a huge thud in the bathroom. I drop everything and run to it, the doors locked. "GiGi open the door!" I yell multiple times before kicking it in. "Oh my God!" I say looking down at GiGi who was slumped over the tub. She had passed out from blood loss from cutting too deep. I run to her limp body and grab her. "Someone please get help! Somebody please!" I scream over and over crying more and more. "Please!" Shay says snapping me back to reality. "Okay I'm on my way." I grab my leather jacket and run out the door followed by Tommy. I get in my Camaro and start the engine. "Babe? What the hell is going on you're scaring me! Hey!" Tommy looks at me more concerned than ever. "GiGi she-she is in the hospital she slit h-h-her wrist!" I yell I don't mean to but it happens and I can't take it back now. He was already in the car so I speed off towards the hospital and make it there just in time. "Do you know what floor GiGi Abadelli is on?" I ask the man at the front desk. "Yeah second floor room 15," he says looking up at me. I take off faster than I've ever ran before, I feel hot. I take the stairs, I didn't have time to wait for an elevator. "Slow down B," Tommy says trying to grab my arm. Finally on the second try he grabs my arm and spins me around, I hit against the wall. His body feels pressed against mine like he is protecting from the dangers ahead. We are both breathing harder then ever, my chest hurts more then before. "You need to slow down before you really hurt yourself. And I won't let that happen as long as you're mine." Tommy looks cold, tired, concerned. "Okay," I say looking him in his beautiful hazel eyes. I start jogging up the stairs at a slower pace and make it to the next floor. I run towards GiGi's room and open the door. "Ma'am GiGi can't have any visitors unless they are family. So who are you?" The nurse asks. She looks old and dusty like a record player that hasn't been used in a long time. "I'm her sister," I say moving the woman out of the way and opening the door. "GiGi," I say running to her side. "Hey kid," she smiles. "This isn't a joke Gi. You could have fucking killed yourself!" I start yelling, not in a friendly way, more of a concerned way. I sit down, and close my eyes, and and frustration hits. I open my eyes and I'm where GiGi was and she was siting down. "What in the fuck were you thinking?" Shay is pacing like normal. I look down and see my left wrist wrapped up tightly, it hurts worse then ever. Maybe I was going crazy, GiGi didn't cut herself it was me. I cut myself all along.