Finding Myself

A dream

I get out of the shower, cold to the bone. I could literally see my breath. I don't say anything but look at GiGi. She gets up following me to the room. I plop down on the bed wanting to just rest my eyes and not speak for a while. GiGi curls up next to me and wraps her arms around me. It's harder to cope with a friends loss than I've ever imagined. Sure I didn't really think this could ever happen to me but I was wrong entirely. It feels like my chest hurts and it's caving in. I happen to fall asleep even when times like these are hard. Then I wake up and roll over to a cold, lonesome, sad part of the bed. My arm feels around for the body I knew was usually there. I feel around once more and realize she's just not there. I roll over to a ringing phone and hesitate to answer it but then do. "Hello," I say in my raspy tiresome voice. "Hey sleepy head get up," the voice on the other side says. "Who is this?" I ask recognizing the voice as soon as she said it. "It's me Shay," she says in that "don't you remember your best friend" tone. "I could have sworn you died," I say thinking. "Umm last time I checked I wasn't and I'm on the phone talking to you," she says huffing. Was it just a dream? I remember waking up in a sweat but it couldn't have been a dream. I guess it was. "I'm sorry about me you and GiGi getting into it. I didn't mean to," Shay says. "It's fine." I get up. "We should all meet up for dinner tonight ma's making Pasta," Shay says knowing how much I love some pasta. She convinced me it won't be bad because they have learned to accept me being gay but honestly I don't think they did. They are all preachers and believe in every word in the bible. That's exactly why I don't live with them anymore. "Okay darling see you there," Shay says ending the conversation. I could have sworn Shay died. Once again my mind is playing tricks on me. I dial Gi's number and decide to call her. "Hey babe," she answers the phone. "Hey," I say with a growing smile on my face. "Did Shay die," I blurt out. "Um not that I know of. It was probably your dream you had. You were sweating really bad and kicking," she says sounding worried. "Oh," I say. "Yeah are you okay?" She asks, with me imagining her worried face. "Yeah. Shay invited us to dinner," I say rolling my eyes. "Okay cool . We'll bring dessert," Gi says shifting around. "O-" "Hey Jim! Put it down! I'm sorry babe I have to go. Put the beer bottle down!" She yells into my ear then hangs up. God Jimmy, the local drunk at the bar. Thank god it was just a dream. I would lose it if Shay died. I may not like her the way I love Shay but I do love Shay. I sit in the bed for minutes thinking about how I can face my parents tonight at dinner. After the night of me realizing they don't except me as being gay and getting an abortion. I know it's going to be hard but luckily I'll have Gi and Shay to back me up. My phone rings again, it's GiGi. "Hey babe," she says sounding like she's losing her voice. "Hey, what's up?" "Meet me at the mall in thirty," she says. "Okay. What for?" I ask. "Don't worry about it," she laughs. "Fine," I grunt. I wanted her to tell me why she wanted me to meet her. This isn't like her to do this. Well since we're at the mall maybe we could go ring shopping after all she is wife material. I wouldn't mind making her Mrs.Fitzgerald one day. "Okay I'll see you then," Gi says. "Okay Hun. I love you," I say. "I love you too," she says. I could tell she was smiling. I take a minute before hanging up.