Finding Myself

My birthday

I wake up and look around, I'm in my room. God what happened last night? Did I get high and black out? My phone goes off in a loud and annoying tone of happy birthday. I hit the alarm and roll out of bed. Gosh last night is a haze, I think stuff got really crazy. My parents burst in my room and scream, "Happy Birthday, Banana!" I grown and flop onto my bed. Today I'm 18, finally! My parents sing the stupid happy birthday song and they give me a cake. The cake is small with roses and a huge cross in the middle. I'm handed a huge box wrapped in balloon wrapping paper, I rip through it. " Oh great, a huge stuffed bear!" I knew I wasn't really excited about it, actually, I hated it. It was a huge black bear with a party hat on. My dad hands me a card, it reads "Happy Birthday Banana we love you more than words can say, love mom and dad." I smile then notice the 100 dollar and fifty dollar bills. After minutes of hugging and laugh the door bell rings. I sluggishly grab my grey sweatpants and a black tank top, then run to the door. Oh gosh it's Shay and Tommy, I wonder if they see me? "Open the door B we see you!" Dang I should have stayed in bed. They walk inside with a handful of balloons and money. "Happy birthday B!" They yell at me as if I couldn't here them. "Aw thanks y'all didn't have to get me nothing," I lied I knew I wanted stuff but I just don't want to seem selfish. I hug both of them then grab my shoes and take off out the door. "Where to bday girl"? Tommy smiles a half grin smile when asking. Gosh, he's perfect in every single way. His eyes shine in the sun a light hazel brown. "The canyon." "The canyon it is!" Shay looks into the rear view mirror smiling at me. Within minutes of driving through the thick woods, and walking we arrive at the canyon. The canyon is a tall hill of sand. Shay, Tommy, and I have been coming here ever since the day we all saw each other here trying to get away from are families for a while. "I got to go pee, I'll be back," and with that Shay gets up and walks into the woods. Tommy scoots closer to me then asks, "you cold"? I admit it was kind of cold well to be honest I was freezing. "Yeah, I guess." He takes off his jacket then puts it on me, then his arm. He has always been a muscular guy, it was pretty cute honestly. He looks at me, I could see he was breathing through his mouth, the air casting a smoky look out into the midst of the cold. It feels like we are smiling at each other for minutes. Why won't he just kiss me already. With that thought he does. His lips are soft and smooth like he had a small amount of Chapstick on. What if he had been planning this. It's sad how something so much fun can end so quickly. It was perfect, the sun set right as he kissed me. "Hey what I miss"? Shay says jogging back towards me and Tommy. "Nothing just getting a little cold is all," I say getting up. Tommy gets up and says "I'm not cold at all!" He takes off his shirt. He has a six pack and pecks. "What's that line of hair going from your belly button down"? I was curious I've never seen it before. "Honey, it's called a happy trail," Shay smiled whispering it in my ear. After holding an entire conversation about it Shay reaches in her bag and grabs a bag of weed, she had multiple. Everyone including me takes a puff, when its passed around to Shay she blows her smoke in my face, I giggle. We sit on the edge and smoke until it runs low. "Let's get you some food," Tommy says helping me up. "Any sand on me"? I ask trying to look at my butt. "Yeah let me help you," Tommy says brushing my back and hips off, he pauses. His hands were still on my hips holding on as if he didn't want to let go. Finally, he lets go and we head back to the car. The drive seems extra long even though it was only about a 5 minute drive. I hadn't realized that we were out there all day. We arrive at a restaurant called "Bahama Breeze," it looks like some type of Hawaiian themed restaurant. As I open the door I notice it's empty no one in sight, they must be closed. I'm guided into the door by my waist by Shay, she walks slow to make sure I can keep up. "Surprise!" An enormous group of family and friends and church members yell. Aw crap I'm totally high I hope they won't notice. I smile and begin to hug people. 2 hours later I find Tommy in a small room, the door is cracked. "Listen we have to end this," Tommy says. I couldn't see the other person. "Why"? An unrecognizable voice says. "I think I'm in love with Hannah. I've loved her since the day I saw her in Kindergarten." Tommy confesses then hugs the person. "It's okay. If you love her go for her." The girl responds. I back away from the door then go and sit down. I feel sick to my stomach. Why? I have liked him forever and never felt this way before. I thought I wanted him the same way he wanted me. My thoughts get interrupted by Shay, "Hey B you okay? You don't look so good." I take off towards the bathroom holding my mouth. It feels like my stomach is on fire and my lips are tingling. I kick open the stall as if I were a cop on a drug bust and let a rip. It feels like hours of continuous throw up before I stop. Shay sat there the entire time holding my hair and rubbing my back. "Shhh. It's gonna be okay B," Shay says rubbing my back to comfort me. "Thanks, Shay I owe you," I mutter. I get up and start freshening up. I pop tick tacks in my mouth as if they are pills. I head back to the party, I look like a mess. Finally it ends, the loud music, the food, the alcohol, the sneaking of weed, everything is over.