Finding Myself

A Death In The Family

The next morning I wake up to my phone ringing off the hook, GiGi had to work today. I decide to answer. "B it's Tommy Shay's in the hospital she swallowed a bunch of morphine and cut herself!" Tommy sounds like he's crying and out of breath. "Oh my God!" I yell. "I'm on my way," I say then hang up. I'm wearing nothing but my bra and underwear so I grab a t-shirt and a pair of joggers. I'm in such a rush I don't bother even brushing my hair or putting on makeup. I launch myself into my car and start the engine. I speed out of the driveway running over some decorations and then speed off to the hospital. God I can't believe Shay would do this. I'm so scared what if she dies. My phone rings and I instantly answer it. "Hannah Shay's not looking too good. She's in ICU I'm so fucking scared," Tommy sobs. "It's okay honey," I say. "Please get here fast," he says sniffing. "I'm on my way." I hang up then pass a red light. I honestly don't care right now. I drift into a parking spot and throw my door open. I glance while running and see some familiar cars. Tommy's, my dads, and GiGi's. I sprint to the front desk, "Where is Shay in the ICU?" I ask. "Room 10," the nurse says. I take off faster than my mind is even processing this. I see everyone in the waiting area and Tommy is talking to the doctor. Suddenly I hear a blood churning scream and see Tommy drop to the floor. GiGi breaks down and cries too. Why is she breaking down? The only thing she did was fuck her. She barely knew Shay the way me and Tommy do. She's not even her friend. I never even got to say goodbye. I don't cry I just feel fire in my face. GiGi comes over in what feels like slow motion and hugs me. She holds onto me crying and rubbing my back. I just drop to the ground not thinking not feeling. I can see myself through the glass pale, lifeless, bland. I still haven't cried yet I just sit there. People are looking at me in silence waiting for my awful reaction. I decide to get up and just go home, GiGi follows behind. I can't feel anything I feel like something's missing. Why would Shay do this? Why did GiGi even care? Shay just left me here alone. I could slightly smell strawberries and cream, the scent of Shay. I try to remember the last time I saw her but it's a blur. I know why it's a blur, it's because the last time I saw her I didn't think it would be my last. I walk inside and turn the shower on. I sit down in it clothes on and all. The water is freezing cold like my heart since she's gone. I didn't realize I hurt Shay so bad. I guess she was sad since I moved on.  GiGi opens the door and then closes it. She gets in the shower ,and sits right in front of me with her head on mine. We don't say anything she knows exactly how I feel without me having to speak a single word. I take a deep breath as the tears start streaming down my face. I couldn't believe she was gone it was like nothing else mattered except her. I don't she can tell I'm crying because I have water all over my face. I try to speak but my voice comes out horse and raspy. GiGi's hands brush my lips as if telling me to not speak. I just break down and cry not making any noise just silent tears. I feel hurt more than ever right now.