Finding Myself

Im better

I won't eat, sleep, fuck, or anything. "Babe come on please just talk to me," Tommy says sitting next to me by the window. His hand touches my thigh and rubs back and fourth, flashbacks come back. They flash Vinny's hand touching my thigh, I jump in fear. "Please don't touch me," I say not meaning to hurt Tommy. He grabs me and pulls me in close just holding me, not kissing, just holding. I stand up and walk into the kitchen to make something to eat. Tommy looks at me surprised that I even stepped foot in the kitchen. I warm up the pasta he got me. I start eating like I'm a wild animal that hasn't eaten in years. He smiles because he thinks it's cute when it's honestly not. After I'm done I start running water for a shower. I look in the mirror and start to cry. Not happy tears of joy more of a breakdown cry. It's silent but you can kind of hear me. I step in the shower and instantly put my head under the water embracing it's warmth. I hear a knock and tell them to come in, it's Shay. She cracks the curtain and kisses me before I can utter a word. My hand grips her shirt, I pull her off. "Stop," I say in a serious startling tone. "You've had your chance multiple times but then you ruined each and every one of them." She looks at me shocked then exits the bathroom at a fast pace. I turn the shower off and grab my towel. I just sit there on the toilet with the lid down for minutes staring blankly out the window. There's a knock at the door that makes me jump. "Hey baby girl, I made dinner so whenever you're hungry it's out here," Tommy says. I stand up and flip the lid of the toilet open. My stomach feels horrible, like somethings coming back up. Suddenly I throw up, a lot. It's continuous amounts of throw up flowing into the toilet. God I feel horrible, like I ate something that doesn't agree with my stomach. When it's over I wash out my mouth and get dressed. I look in the mirror,I look cold, sad, and tired. I finally walk out of the bathroom then get bombarded by Tommy. He starts kissing me and pulling me in closer and closer until my body is up against his. He picks me up so my legs wrap around him and we kiss for a while. He lays me down on the bed and gets on top of me. I guess by now he knew what I wanted. I honestly wasn't hungry anymore. He starts undressing me faster then he ever has. "Woah slow down. Take your time we have all night," I say pulling back from a kiss. "I know but I really want you now." He says looking into my eyes. I open my eyes for a split second and see Shay outside the window. My eyes close again then open once more and she's gone. "Have any condoms?" I ask before we got way too into this. "Do you want to use any?" He asks looking back at me. "Honestly I don't care." We go back to it. His kisses are soft like I could barely feel them. "Fuck!" I scream grabbing his hair. Maybe this wasn't so bad. Being in a relationship with Tommy is amazing. I haven't spoken to GiGi in a while though. After court we are driving back home we've been here way too long.