12-07-11 December 7th, 2011
It's Anne's birthday today. She got to sit in Martha at school today. Lucky! Martha is the name of the wheely chair that everyone treats like a throne. It's definitely a special privilege if you get to sit on it!
I got hit really hard in the gym. I think I was more embarrassed than in pain. I felt really dizzy afterward.
Mona has been really depressed lately. Peyton broke up with her and Mona carved the letter 'P' into her arm and she threatened to kill herself. I stayed with her in her room, talking her out of it while she cried and I cried.
12-11-11 December 11, 2011
I finished Day 1 of my fast. 103.5LBS. I know I said I would stop fasting and dieting and whatnot, I just can't help it. I'm sorry. But at least I've learned my lesson because everytime I've fasted, I forgot to drink and I got really dehydrated every time. I am not going to forget to drink!
12-12-11 December 12th, 2011
Woke up weighing 102. I'm back to my low weight now, thankfully. My stomach gets flatter easily, but it's my thighs, I want them to be smaller! It's so annoying!
12-14-11 December 14th, 2011
I couldn't take it anymore, so I gorged myself with pizza at school. People's reactions when they walked into the mudroom and witnessing me inhaling my pizza, were priceless. In a way it was hilarious, but mainly mortifying!
When I was finished scarfing down the last bites of the pizza, that's when the guilt settled in. I wanted so bad to just... projectile vomit all over people's heads. Just kidding. But seriously, I hated the feeling of having greasy food in my stomach after it being empty for a while. I was feeling upset after this, and the principal, Mrs.Fuckinato, noticed and she told me to come to her office to talk to her.
I told her about how I struggle with eating normally. She listened and then gave a stupid lecture. I don't even know why I told the one person I hate, this secret. Why!?
12-15-11 December 15th, 2011
Mrs.Dubeck got angry at me after I wrote my Santa letter for language class. I wrote, Dear Santa, please kill me. From, Hailey They took it more seriously then they should have. I had to explain myself over and over and nobody calmed down about it! As I sat in her office, she lifted the phone off the reciever and began to dial home.
Crying, I begged and pleaded with her not to call. I made a promise with her. I promised I'll stop skipping my medications. I'll eat normally. I'll not do anything to harm myself. She made me write this and sign it. She forced me to go to my bag, grab food and eat it in front of her.
12-16-11 December 16th, 2011
Mrs.Fuckinato came to me at snack time and forced me to choose between an apple or a chocolate milk. I chose the milk. At lunch, she forced me to eat pizza. I wanted to fast today! This isn't fair!
12-17-11 December 17th, 2011
Aunt and Uncle came to the house today. Aunt had a house offer in [my town] so they decided to visit us afterward. They also dropped Mom and stepdad off to do Christmas shopping.
Then Dad picked me up at 5PM, and then we ate at Burger King with Mary and her family. Afterward, Dad and Mary went out to see the Wizard of Oz . Now it's 10PM and they've been gone for three hours and I'm stuck here with stepmom's father , brother K, and stepmom's brother-in-law. I hate how Dad and stepmom think I still need to be babysat at this age! I'm thirteen! This is so stupid. I am even old enough to babysit, if I wanted!
12-19-11 December 19th, 2011
It's Aunt's birthday today. I have no idea how old she is, because she's lied about her age to Maddi and Allie and has never told me either. She keeps it a secret, along with her smoking. It's so stupid, if you ask me!
12-22-11 December 22nd, 2011
I am really excited for Christmas! I'm counting down the days obsessively with a million apps on my iPod! Christmas is coming too slowly. It seems like it will be forever until Christmas, ugh!
I am so excited that I can't even focus in school. I mean, not like I usually pay much attention anyway, but it's even worse now! I'm not thinking mainly about the gifts, though. I just love the feeling of Christmas.
YOU ARE READING
The Dead Girl with a Heartbeat: Inside my Mind
Teen FictionFollow the journal entries in the life of a girl from age twelve to age fifteen. The awful ups and downs of her life caused her to become weak, and self harm. Eventually she tried to kill herself. She moves from place to place, hospital to hospital...
