02-01-12 February 1st, 2012
I got discharged from the hospital today! I miss it so bad though. At least I get my laptop and iPod back, and more freedom. I get to actually go outside whenever I want to instead of being locked in. But I miss the hospital still. The nice nurses, the caring environment, supportive girls, the safe place. Ugh.
02-06-12 February 6th, 2012
I feel like a mouse that's been trapped in a dark cage since it was born, and suddenly someone takes the dark covering off of the cage, and suddenly, it's like a whole new life they've never experienced. That's how I feel right now. And my new quote has been, Everything happens for a reason.
02-07-12 February 7th, 2012
Pretty lazy day today. The school won't let me come back until there is a "plan" in place. I think I'm going to fail grade eight now. I played the fainting game by myself today. Sister and her girlfriend showed me this the other day and I really liked the feeling. Now I've been doing it by myself in my room.
02-08-12 February 8th, 2012
I had a meeting at the school today with Mrs.F,Mrs.C,and Mrs.D, and the worker that comes to talk to me sometimes, Adn. I was so nervous and fidgety, and I felt like I was passing out. I hate having anxiety!
02-09-12 February 9th, 2012
It's older brother, S's 19th birthday today. Happy birthday! You can officially drink legally. Haha.
02-10-12 February 10th, 2012
Nan's apparently coming over today, so I have to clean my room, Mom said. I've been procrastinating since, like, forever. I have cleaned some of it already, but it still looks like a tornado whipped through... twice.
Mom has been such a b.. It's so hard to stop self harming when she's doing this to me! I feel like cutting all the time because of her.
I'm also gaining weight like crazy right now. I'm around 106-107. I'm being a pig! I'm so annoyed with myself right now.
02-14-12 February 14th, 2012
It's valentine's day. I skipped going to the valentine's day dance. Mrs.F, Mrs.C, and Mrs.D, held a small intervention for me in the interview room. They say I've been 'different' today; fidgety, tense, defiant.
They're getting tired of chasing me around the school when I'm collecting and hoarding sharp objects.
I've been thinking about overdosing, but I won't tell them that. I was about to today, but then I started thinking about brother K. I'd just feel so horrible doing that to him. He's the only aspect of my life keeping me alive. I'm trying to stay strong for him at least.
02-15-12 February 15th, 2012
I had a chat with Adn because of me collecting pins and not using them for the right reasons. Mrs.F talked to me later on about my self harm problem. She searched through me bag. The contents of my bag included: my medication, a water bottle, spray, and a sharp art tool I stole from Mrs.D's classroom. Oops. Oh well.
She wants to 'help me' try to stop my habit of collecting sharp objects since I don't want to cut anymore. I will be honest though, I did cut yesterday. Not deep or anything, just enough to see the blood. I feel guilty about it though,. I want to stop.
YOU ARE READING
The Dead Girl with a Heartbeat: Inside my Mind
Teen FictionFollow the journal entries in the life of a girl from age twelve to age fifteen. The awful ups and downs of her life caused her to become weak, and self harm. Eventually she tried to kill herself. She moves from place to place, hospital to hospital...
