The Dead Girl with a Heartbeat: Inside my Mind

January 2012

This month could be described as : The beginning of the end for me. The further along this year went, the worse I got. Worse than I've ever been before. 

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01-07-12 January 7th, 2012

For Christmas, I got a white iPod Touch 4 from Dad! I also got a lululemon headband, and earbuds. From Mom, I got a Ninetendo Wii, digital money counter, memory foam slippers, and much more. Everything I asked for and tons more! 

We went to Aunt's house for dinner and gifts. I had a horrible headache which really sucked so I slept for a bit. I went to Dad's from Boxing Day until New Year's. Brother K knows a lot more words and I even taught him to say my real name. Before he called me "Ya-Ya".  

I used my Christmas money to buy a TV to play my Wii on. Dad was very mad because he had to pay $50 to cover the full costs. He shouted and sweared at me for a long time in the car and I just cried. 

 I am 102LBS right now. 

Lately I've been binging the hell out of myself, using laxatives, then repeat. I am sick of this shitty lifestyle. And yes, pun intended. I didn't binge today though which is good!

 I went with Mom to her appointment. I saw the baby on the monitor and the doctor said he is only 4 lbs 12 oz. Mom said that's too small to be born yet. But he's due this month! 

01-08-12 January 8th, 2012

When I woke up today, I was 101 LBS! But then I binged. Now I weigh 103LBS. Ugh this is so annoying and frustrating!

Now I'm going to look fat for school starting tomorrow. 

01-14-12 Sat, January 14th, 2012 

I went to Dad's tonight even though he called me all kinds of harsh names last time. When I walked through the door, K ran up to me and yelled my name, and he was really happy to see me. It was so adorable. He's getting so much bigger and every time I visit, he knows more words!

01-15-12 Sun, January 15th, 2012

 I woke up with a message: Mom's in labor! Dad drove me to the hospital in my town and he had already been born. His name is Brayden and he is 6 LBS 13OZ!  I actually got there before my sister Mona and my cousins Maddi and Allie.  Lucky me, I got to hold him first!

01-16-12 Mon, January 16th, 2012

P.A Day, no school today, thank God!

01-18-12 Wed, January 18th, 2012

Weird day at school today. I haven't been taking my medication. I was angry in the morning and avoided doing any school work, but in the afternoon I participated in everything, was hyper and giggly, and was totally acting like a four year old. People in the class were laughing at me, but, I couldn't stop!

01-19-12 Thurs, January 19th, 2012

I didn't go to school today. All week, Mona has been harassing and bullying me constantly. Dragging me down with every word I say and every thing I do. I can't take it anymore. I have been cutting every time she hurts me like this. I hate her for doing this to me.