The Dead Girl with a Heartbeat: Inside my Mind

June 2012

[During April , I was still in the psychiatric unit. On April 26th, I was transferred to an adult mental hospital in a different city. I did not have my iPod during this time. I was discharged on June 7th, when I began journalling again.]

06-07-12 June 7th, 2012

I have just been released from Hell. That place was so dingy, nasty, old and run down. The walls were a depressing shade of purple. The furniture had holes and rips. The staff sucked miserably. The place was semi-infested with earwigs. The property surrounding the hospital had a major gopher problem. You had to watch where you step, because you could easily fall into the home of a gopher. The staff would take us on walks everyday to feed the gophers our expired bread. Speaking of expired bread, The food was disgusting. The strawberries were mushy blobs. The bread was always moldy. The oatmeal looked like baby barf, and the eggs weren't exactly real. The walls of the bedrooms were covered in markings, holes, scratches, profanity, and drawings of obsene body parts. 

This one day, I tried to escape, and Bill, the big fat guy, chased after me, and did a penguin dive right onto me, squishing my face into the dirt. That was not fun. 

I got really addicted to getting chased by the security officers, though. I escaped seven times, and security chased me across the property many times. It was so thrilling and fun! But they eventually got so sick of it, they decided to put me in the seclusion room everytime I ran away. I miss security so much... next step.. police? Hmm..

I made many friends there though, and I'm going to miss them. 

The stupid hospital also randomly took me off all my meds. They said there is 'nothing wrong with me' and I just have behavioural problems. That makes me so mad! It's not true! The stupid a-- psychiatrist said I have Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I know this isn't true. I am nothing like that diagnosis describes. Nothing. I only escaped for the fun of it, not to be bad!

06-08-12 June 8th, 2012

I went for a walk and randomly decided I wanted to do something bad to myself. I was thinking about jumping from a bridge, or run away, or something. I deliberately 'got lost' and wandered all the way down to the park at the other side of the town. The park that I played at when I was ten years old. 

Then I found the train bridge that sister told me she tried to kill herself on. I tried to climb up it, but I was too shy with all the passing cars. I decided to call Kids Help Phone. She told me to walk into the hospital, (which conveniently was right across the street from the pay phone), and stay there until I feel better. I decided, eh, what the hell. I walked into there. I talked to the security guards there, who were kind of nice. I asked them how long a person can stay without getting kicked out. I told them I was suicidal and he told the triage nurse, she forced me to stay! I panicked and tried to run out the door but security caught me and put me in restraints. The police came and tried to figure out who the hell I was. I faked my name. Dr.P showed up, and that was a fail, because she knows me! But I guess she's stupid enough to say , "Oh yes! That's her name!" after I faked my identity. Idiot. 

The nurses couldn't find anyone with that fake identity on the computer, so they figured me out pretty fast. This really b--chy nurse threatened to put a catheter up me if I don't tell her my real name. So I told her, obviously. I was left alone in restraints, in an isolated room. 

 Luckily for me, I am the reincarnation of Houdini, and I can escape anything. I got out of the tight restraints and bolted out the door with no shoes on. I ran for thirty minutes straight, occasionally darting behind a bush when a police car came into view. The cops were swimming all over the city it seemed, and eventually one spotted me. I ran and hid in someones yard and he lost me. He went straight by like an idiot.  This one man and his kids noticed this though, and he asks me why I'm running from the cops.