•Letters•

5.

Hemmings,

I got a job working with Skye at the pet shop and I took Noah in there the other day and we walked out with a Labrador puppy. I don't know how I'm going to raise a puppy and work. I'll work it out, his name is Buster and he makes me feel safe like I have protection since I don't have a guy in the house

I've been talking to Calum, a lot. I've been having this thought, the thought I wasn't enough for you. You wanted more, more than what I could give you. 3 days now that exact thought has been going through my mind.

I got everything Noah asked for on his Christmas list except for one thing.

His dad, his exact writing was

"dear Santa, for Christmas I would like a puppy. Trucks and cars so I can play with my new uncle Cal pal, I would like my mummy to be happy. I hate seeing her sad, I hear mummy crying almost every night when she thinks I'm sleeping. I always want to go in there but I can't because in scared I will get in trouble for being awake so late.

The one thing which is going to make my mummy happy Santa, would be for my daddy to come home. I've heard her talking to my aunty Skye about him and how much she misses him and how I look like him but I don't know him.

I've been showed photos and I've asked questions and she's always happy to answer. I wrote this with my uncle Cal pal while mummy was at work, please Santa. Please make my wish come true, I miss my mummy's smile.

Love from Noah Hemmings."

I bursted into tears reading it, my tears are staining the paper once again. Calum lied saying he sent the letter but he gave it me, he took me out to lunch and gave it to me there.

I full on lost it in the middle of a food court, everyone stared at us as Calum pulled me into my arms. We sat there for a good half an hour while I cried and he whispered things in my ear to help calm me.

He's got Noah for the night, they went to the movies and I told him he could stay here. Noah wants him to sleep in his room on the floor so once got the mattress all set up for him and he's happy enough to help.

I'm greatful for that, the way Noah looks at Calum. His big blue eyes light up and his smile grows. It goes from ear to ear. He's been helping me teach him his alphabet and his numbers.

I've cried over the phone to him several times and he comes to the apartment within the click of his fingers when I get to worked up.

Give me a sign, give me anything that will tell me your okay.

I love you

Jas x

-

This one made me start to cry, why do I do this to myself

Love you x

~Jodie x