•Letters•

7.

My dearest Luke,

I went shopping today, I met Calum's boyfriend Ashton. He's a really sweet guy, I like him and I've started to realise that I've been taking Calum away from him with all of my problems and it's starting to make me feel bad. They keep telling me it's fine but it's not and I know it's not.

They found me laying on the bathroom floor, they had taken little Noah off my hands. We'll he's not so little anymore.

When they found me on the floor I was laying in a pool of my own blood, I couldn't do it Luke. I just couldn't fucking stop myself, I heard Noah scream and the next thing I saw was Calum and Ashton kneeling next to me trying to stop the bleeding from my arms.

I didn't mean to make it this bad, I only wanted to feel the metal against my skin. I didn't want to end it but I couldn't control myself, nothing has gone the way I need it to. I need normality in my life.

I will never have normality until your back and I'm on your arms.

Nothing will ever be normal, ever. I'm sitting in a hospital bed with our sleeping son on my lap. His small snores the only noise in the room other then the beeping from the few machines.

They're keeping me in for observations because they think I'm a 'nutcase' they wanted to take Noah away from me, I screamed and abused a few people while Noah held onto me around my neck.

Now they won't touch him unless Michael or Skye is in the room, watching Noah sleep he looks a lot like you. I keep getting phone calls from child protective services and a private number. I've always hated talking on the phone and I ignore them all I can't deal with anything of this right now.

First they make me stay in this hospital for a week, second they try to take my son making them see a side of me I hate and third of all I haven't slept in over a week.

What is it your brother always used to say "sleep is for the weak."

I'm starting to feel really weak right now and I need sleep. I've snapped at everyone except for Noah he's the only one who seems to understand, he's 3 and seems to know what I'm going through.

I don't understand how he knows everything.

He's asked about my scars, I didn't know what to say so I told him my cat used to attack me that's why I won't let him have one. I couldn't tell him anything about my past. I feel like I'm alone and just taking a stab in the dark hoping he would believe me.

I knew he didn't but it was the best I could do on the spot.

Well, soon enough the nurses will be back and I'm going to try get some sleep. Yeah right what's sleep.

Goodnight Luke, I love you

Jasmine Ann x

-

I don't normally write like that but it worked well with the song lyric.

It makes me want to cry

Love you x

~ Jodie x