•Letters•

13.

Dear Luke,

Here I am again, late at night. My eyes are burning and the kids are asleep on your side. Cuddled up to each other their heads in my lap.

Nothing has happened since the last time I wrote to you, Charlotte has asked me about the scars on my arms. I couldn't tell her the truth, I couldn't break her little heart.

We went to the beach the other day, it was an okay day I guess. For once in so many years I felt comfortable in my own skin and I felt comfortable to be out in the world alone. I have picked myself back up and I'm standing on my own 2 feet.

I'm in a happy place, there's no words to explain the place that I'm in. For once in 3 and 1/2 years I haven't been worried about how I'm going to pay the bills, pay Michael back. I'm paying for Charlotte to go to school and I'm paying your grandparents back for everything they have done for her. Not that they are taking the money but I'm making them take it.

I have a clear mind for once, I was happy spending time with the kids. Calum and Ash were at the beach with me. Michael wasn't there for obvious reasons, he's not an outside kind of guy.

I didn't get jelous of Calum and Ashton being a couple, I was so happy for them. You don't understand.

I've been laughing and smiling almost every day. Nothing has gotten me down, I'm planning a trip with the kids to go see your Aunty and Uncle. We've been talking a bit and they've given me some good advice on raising the kids and being a single parent.

Being a single mum of 2 kids is harder than anyone knows, I'm planning on taking them out to a heap of different places. The zoo, the movies and wherever else they want to go.

You should come to your Aunties place and I'll see you there, I want to see you. I need to see you.

I'm so tired and emotional I think I just need some sleep. Please, please please come back.

I love you xx your my everything

Love Jasmine x

-

Wow that's a really short and shitty letter

~ Jodie x