•Letters•

16.

Dear Luke,

Storm season is here again, Charlotte loves the storms and Noah is still a bit unsure of them and he comes and sneaks in bed with me. Some of the time Charlotte does to which doesn't bother me it gives me company.

I haven't cried for days now and I'm starting to think I haven't got any tears left to fall, things are getting better. A lot better.

I was talking to a really nice guy today at work, he was young and really sweet. We got along well until I got a call from Charlotte's school and the kids thing was bought up and he literally ran for the hills.

I'm never going to find someone to move on with, I'm happy for it to be the 3 of us but I still need you. The best things in life are free.

Love, happiness, friends. I'm so happy that the boys have been like my rocks.

I went without wearing makeup today because I wasn't going anywhere and I looked in the mirror, I felt nothing. I saw nothing.

I feel empty inside Luke, what's my purpose? Why am I still in Sydney?

I could've moved to the other side of the county, the other side of the world. I could've run away from all my problems but I didn't. I stayed to face them and being without my friends scares me.

This empty feeling, your the only one who can make me feel whole again. When you left you took a piece of my heart with you and now I'm broken.

I don't know if your feeling heart broken or empty. If you are you know how I'm feeling and it's horrible. Feeling horrible all your life is just like the worst feeling ever.

I have no words to describe the way I'm feeling, you wanna know who's good with words?

You are, you always have been. Everytime I was feeling fat and couldn't find anything to wear when I was pregnant you made me feel pretty. You told me just the right things which made me feel pretty again.

Only in your eyes am I pretty, I don't think I am. Noah tells me I am and so does Charlotte but it's like there obliged to and you well you probably felt that way to.

I ate a whole cake and tube of ice cream tonight after I ate a whole pizza to myself, I'm paying for it now. I feel like I shouldn't be standing. I feel sick now and I threw up which made me feel a little less sick.

None of is have had a proper meal for a few days I've been ordering pizza because I've been to lazy to cook, the boys are spending the day tomorrow while I work and I know they'll clean up and cook something and make me eat it.

I love you

Goodnight Luke

Yours truly,
Jas x

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This is such a emotional book I start crying when I write most chapters

Much love

~ Jodie x