•Letters•

30.

Lukey poo,

So, I went on a date today while the kids were at school. He was a dickhead and I know I'm never going to find anyone like you. It's not the first date I have been on and that's going to be my last until I find out where you are, whether your alive or in the ground.

Not in the name of love, that's a quote that has stuck in my head from a book I was reading. I can't even remember the book now I've read that many but I'm doing all of this in the name of love.

Waiting for you to come home, you Luke. I don't think you will ever come home but you might, a little glimmer of hope is still there.

I was walking down the street the other day and I went past a bridal shop, I stopped and looked in the window. I saw 3 amazing dresses on these maniquines and I walked a little further and saw this tall skinny girl with nice tan skin and her friends and family watching.

She looked beautiful and then I started to think about how I would look. That caused more tears, why would you want a bride covered in scars?

That's what went through my mind, only the people closest to me know about the scars. Michael, Calum, Ashton, Skye, my sister they know all the truth and the kids think I don't know what they think I haven't told them the truth and they haven't asked for ages. I'll never yell them until they're old enough to understand.

We'll, I haven't done it for ages and I'm proud of myself for doing that. I sat on the window seat tonight and watched the sunset, it was spectacular. Then that got me thinking again, I want my wedding to involve the sunset in one way or another.

I know these dreams of mine are big, but it's what I want for us. Me, you and the kids. I wouldn't mind having another baby with you and to experience the whole pregnancy again and have you by my side to help raise the baby. Boy or girl which ever way it happens I will be happy because I'll be with you.

I should go check on the kids before I go to bed.

Goodnight babe
I love you

Jasmine xoxo

-

Yay! Only 6 chapters left!

~ Jodie x