•Letters•

35.

Hemmings,

So I had the weirdest dream last night, that everything was perfect and the way it should be like none of this happened. You never left for years on end, we moved into a house with the kids and lived the perfect life.

I woke up the next morning and the bed was still empty on your side, I got out of bed I put one foot in front of the other and went along with my day but the dream kept playing through my head like it was real and like it happened.

The work day went by fairly quickly and I spent the night with the kids, we watched a heap if kids movies the ones they chose and cuddled on the couch all night. Noah was the first to crash so I picked him up and out him in bed. It was a struggle since he's getting to big to be carried.

Before Charlotte fell asleep she went to  bed so I didn't have to carry her and then I ended up sitting there eating some chocolate which was left over.

What if all of this is one big nightmare? What if you never left me?

That's what I've been thinking for the past few days, it hurts me to think like that but it's what's keeping me going.

Thinking that your alive and the kids is the only thing that keeps me going at this point of my life. I'm getting to the point where I don't feel needed by anyone anymore.

The kids are doing their own things and I'm happy that they're growing up.

I wish you were back so I could bury my face in your chest and you could play with my hair and tell me everything will be okay.

I love you a lot
Bye baby x