I can't do this anymore

Am I Actually Happy?!?

Long chapter❤️

Chapter 12

Rachel's pov

Finn: yes, I will break up with her.
Rachel: good, I just don't want to feel used again.

At home

When I got home I ran to my room. I was so scared, I didn't want anyone to find out about me being raped. I am so nervous if someone was listening to me when I was telling Finn about what happened. I have a really bad feeling that someone was listening though. It makes sense if someone else was listening besides Finn, I do have a lot of bad luck.

Look at my life, it's a mess. I am 17 and in my junior year in highschool, and I have been raped, I am the schools joke, I get bullied physically and mentally, and I have almost died multiple times. Who wouldn't say I'm unlucky, most of this stuff wouldn't happen to a normal person.

As I was thinking about how my life was just going down hill, I became more and more emotional.  I felt the need to cut. So I ran to the bathroom, grabbed my blade, and created 4 more cuts on my left arm and 2 more on my right. I cleaned them up and went to bed.

Santanas pov

I feel bad that I have been ignoring Rachel, I have been feeling down myself. I have a secret that nobody knows, I'm gay.  I don't cut my self, because I don't have the guts to do so. I hate pain, I can't stand it. I may seem so bitchy, but that's because of my secret. It makes me feel good to put all the pressure on somebody else. That's why I bully the dorks, like Artie and Tina. 

Finns pov

I have been stressing out a lot recently. Well, I normally am stressed since it is stressful to be Quinn's girlfriend. She is so clingy. But I am also stressed finding out Rachel, my one true love has been cutting again. But also because I'm scared she is going to be raped again from that ass Jesse.

He took advantage of her before, so he could probably do it again. That's why I have to break up with Quinn. The only question is, when? I really don't want to hurt her, but she has hurt Rachel so many times. She deserves it. She also bullies all the people in glee club, she is a huge jerk and she deserves to hurt aswell. She is one of the people who makes Rachel cut herself.

The next day

Rachel's pov

I woke up from my sleep and did my morning ritual. I actually felt worth something today, so I put on a unicorn sweater with a plaid skirt. I felt different than I usually do, I felt happy for once.

I went straight to the kitchen and grabbed a granola bar. And I actually ate, God did it feel good to eat. I haven't eaten in probably 3 weeks.

When I finished eating, I grabbed my phone, bag, and keys and headed off to school.

At school

I walked through the school doors with a smile plastered on my face, I felt like myself.  As I was walking to my locker, I smiled at Finn. He smiled back. I felt so fuzzy inside. That's a  feeling I never thought I would have.

Anyways, I am still walking to my locker when I hear people snickering as I walk by. There and then I get really confused why is everyone talking about me. I am only being myself, I am finally happy. I don't understand why Finn is the only one who is happy that I am happy.

All of a sudden Quinn stands right in front of me, it seems that she came out of nowhere, but I ignore it. All of my fear comes back to me when she says the next sentence she said.

Quinn: hey Rachel how are you, sorry I meant to say slut!
Rachel: I'm not a slut, why would you think that? (I whisper)
Quinn: sorry slut, what did you say?
Rachel: why are you calling me a slut? ( I say a bit louder)
Quinn: it's all over the schools website, and the schools newspaper. You haven't heard.

Right there and then I remember yesterday I told Finn about me being raped. I also remember a door slamming after I told him I was raped. I start to tear up.

Quinn: I have a question, how many guys have you hooked up with or as you said "raped" in the past week?
Rachel: zero, I didn't want to have sex with him. Before that I was a virgin. (I whisper back to her)
Quinn: sure you were. Anyways, that's a great locker you have over there.(she points to my locker)
Rachel: what did you do to it?
Quinn: you'll have to see for yourself. Also, stay away from Finn, he's mine.

I walk away nervous as hell and I stand face to face with my locker. The word slut is spray painted onto it. My eyes start to water as I stare at it, maybe theme people are right. I am a slut. Yeah I might have not wanted to have the sex I had, but it still happened. And I had to have everything come my way for some how letting it happen.

I walk closer to my locker and put my combo in it, it opens. There are millions of notes in it. I open one note, it read:

Dear Rachel,

I hope you know that you had it coming. I always wanted to call you a slut, but I knew you were a virgin. Look at you, nobody would want to get it on with you because of your huge bird beak or you fat self. But now that I know you were "raped" I can now call you a slut because you are one. I hope you know that you deserve to die.

Sincerely
Quinn Fabray

After I saw this letter I read about a dozen more, most of them were like Quinn's letter. When I finished reading those dozen letters I was sobbing like crazy. I had the urge to cut, I knew I couldn't. So I texted Finn.

I need you now, I need to cut. Help me please. I'm at my locker.-R
On my way.-F

Finns pov

As soon as I received Rachel's text, I ran my way to her locker. Thank god the bell rang 5 minutes ago, I will get there faster. Once I get to her locker I stand there confused.

Rachel was sitting down on the floor in front of her locker, looking through a bunch of notes that are inside her locker. Her eyes are exploding with tears, and her mascara is running. She looks so bad from this morning. I don't understand, she was so happy earlier.

Finn: what happened?
Rachel: umm.. Quinn stopped me and the halls and told me how everyone thinks I'm a slut. (Sobs) Apparently someone was in the auditorium yesterday when we were talking, and somebody found out I was raped. Everyone is calling me a slut, and I feel even useless than I did when I was being raped. I walked up to my locker, and I saw this (closes locker)
Finn: Rach, (sobs with her)
Rachel: it doesn't stop there, there also letters in my locker. People are telling me how useless I am, they are calling me bird beak again, and their calling me fat.
Finn: wow Rach are you okay? You looked so bright and happy this morning.
Rachel: I was, I was so happy that I actually put my sweater and skirt on again, and I ate a granola bar this morning. I was so proud, and it felt so good to eat again. I haven't eaten in about three weeks. But now that I know I'm still fat, I have to keep my diet going. Damn was I proud
Finn: Rach I love you , don't change for the bullies please. You don't deserve this harm.
Rachel: I have to, I'm sorry. (She walks away leaving me standing there speechless)