I can't do this anymore

I hope its over

Chapter 21

Rachel's pov

It's 4:45 and am setting up for my suicide. I set up the bottles of pills I found around the house, the huge kitchen knife right next to them and I run the bath tub. I set up my laptop camera in front of my bed. All I have to do it press the record button.

It's now 4:55 when I remember I haven't locked the doors. I run as fast as I can to the front door, I don't want someone to save me. I Lock the door, and put a chair to the doorknob just in case someone picks the lock. I run back upstairs to my room, and lock the door behind me. And if your wondering where my parents are, they are away on business.

It's now 5:00, I press the record button and sit back on my bed.

I say to the camera," hi guys, I expect all the glee club to be watching this. Including mr.schue and ms.pilsbury. So here I go,"

Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere
Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere

A singer in a smokey room
The smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching
In the night
Streetlight people
Livin' just to find emotion
Hidin' somewhere in the night

Workin' hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some will win
Some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching
In the night
Streetlight people
Livin' just to find emotion
Hidin' somewhere in the night

[Instrumental interlude]

Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlight people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on
Streetlight people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlight people

After I finish singing, I tear up.

"I expected you guys to have read your letters by now. As you can now see, that was just the last song I will ever sing on this earth. And now you guys know that this video is my suicide video. More than Half the people watching this didn't expect me to do this. But about 3/4th of the people watching this knew I was going through hell on this earth. So their not surprised I'm doing this so, you guys can stop watching now. But if you really care, just watch me die."

I mute the recording, and go into the bathroom in my bedroom. I walk into the bathroom, and I put the laptop on a little table I set up in there. I un mute it and walk back to the bathroom door, I close it and lock it.

I walk back into the video frame, and I stare at myself on the screen. I cannot recognize who I've become. I am Broken, I have finally broke.

I say," I know what your thinking. Why is Rachel Berry committing suicide. Why don't I tell you the reasons why I am going to do what I am going to do. People always thought that I was the strong one right. Well their wrong, the strong person I used to be was an act. I was trying to distract people from how sad and miserable I was feeling in the inside. I have finally broke and there is no way to fix it."

I am in front of the camera still. I grab the pills, and swallow all 3 bottles with the help of a bottle of vodka.

I take off my shirt and skirt, leaving me in my bra and underwear. I don't care if all these people see me like this, they will see all the scars and scabs from all the cutting and pain I have been through my whole life. Or at least teen years.

I grab the huge kitchen knife and bring it up to my forearm. Before gliding it across my arm, I say," this is for the bullies, and Brody for making me feel used."

I then slide the knife across my arm, deep. I repeat this motion about 10 times on each arm and each leg. When I finish, I feel dizzy. I slowly get into the bath and after about 5 minutes of laying in the hot water, I slowly fall asleep.

But before I pass out, I say,"good bye world."

I hope you guys liked this long chapter. Please don't do this at home though. It's just a story.