In My Life

Chapter 29

I managed to find an hour or so alone with Paul. The two of us just sat on the edge of the stage, talking quietly amongst ourselves, which I found really rather pleasant.

"I'm sorry that I keep popping off and leaving you Sam, I really am." He sighed, stroking my cheek lightly with the hand he'd rested gently on my shoulder. "It doesn't look like we'll be able to go out for dinner after all."

"It's fine Paul." I smiled. "You can't be blamed for how intriguing you are, and I've been having a catch up with Eric and John."

Paul gave me an impressive look as I said John's name. I was just as surprised as he was, except, I still hadn't told him about the night before. I'd considered telling him a few times since we'd arrived. I didn't expect him to be mad, more or less understanding as it really wasn't my fault, I was just afraid to hurt his feelings was all.
The other half of my mind was telling me just to forget about the entire scene, which of course seemed a lot more appealing to me.

Soon enough, yet another conceited woman of middle age interfered, scooping Paul up and away from me again, which I found more amusing than anything, as Paul would give me glances of sheer desperation for me to come save him.

"Sorry." He mouthed to me apologetically, as the woman took him by the arm and carried him away.

I laughed as I watched him go, beginning to actually enjoy myself at this social gathering.

From that point onward, I thought nothing more than to find John, as he was most likely the only sober one of the boys around, and I wasn't up for solitude.

I managed to spot him stealthily closing a door behind him of which he'd just come out of, along with a new female friend of his. He winked at the girl as he zipped up his fly, mouthing her a 'thank you' as she departed.
Don't have to be Einstein to put 2 and 2 together there.

"Have fun?" I smirked once reaching him.

He nodded shamelessly, actually pretty chuffed with himself. 

"Do I even want to know?" I laughed.

"Probably not." He grinned. "Manage to find Paul in the end though?"

"Yeh, but he's off again." I chuckled. "He's quite the ladies man."

John scanned through the ocean of guests until spotting him with a group of much older women, making him laugh also.

"Had a good night then?" He leaned into me, exhaling heavy breaths into my face. "Want me to make it all the more better?" He pinched my waist.

"John-" I squinted, inhaling his aroma. "Your breath."

"Should I freshen up first then?" He beamed.

"No John, your breath, it smells of-"

"Honey? Mint? Tea?" He chuckled enthusiastically.

"Alcohol." I grimaced.

He took no notice, and instead began to play with my hair. Pushing my shoulders to face his own as he leaned comfortably against the wall.

"You've been drinking John, haven't you?" I said sternly.

He drew his fingers up my shoulder and neck until reaching my cheek, where he then tickled me under the chin.

"Sure you don't wanna have a little fun Sam?" He smiled, eyeing me with wide and hopeful, gleaming eyes. "It would only be for 10 minutes or so."

"John-"

"Go on! Make my day." He chuckled lightly, stumbling forward a little until his face brushed right up against mine, his heavy breaths deafening my ear.

"No John!" I snapped, pushing him away.

"But Sam, I really want you." He whined childishly. "We don't even have to do anything! I just need you. Sam I need you."

I felt his hands clutch my elbow and he lurched me forward into his arms for a hug.

"Please Sam." He whimpered into my shoulder.

"Please Sam what?" I groaned in frustration.

"I'm sorry for drinking Sam, I am." He said, holding me tighter. "It just hurts to see you with him and not me."

"What?"

"I love you Sam. I love you so much, I want to kiss you all the time, and tickle you so you'll smile for me. I want you to enjoy being with me as much as I enjoy being with you." He babbled on endlessly like a sort of toddler.

"You love me?" I repeated incomprehensibly, with a slanted smile across my face.

"I love you." He affirmed, practically sinking into my shoulder. "Do you love me too?"

His words began to cut through me deeper than a knife as I realised. It seemed the truth was all coming out.
Did I love him? I'd never thought to actually consider it before.

Across John's shoulder I saw Paul. How I loved being with Paul, but never had I been able to say that I loved him.

I loved being with John also. Just spending time with him again made me happy. And I supposed that I did love him. I always had. He'd been my closest friend for years, so of course I loved him.

"Yes John." I smiled sheepishly. "I love you."

I felt his grip loosen a little bit, and heard him let out a great sigh.

"But you don't mean it like I do." He pouted, drawing back from the hug to hold me by the shoulders. "I want you to be my girl not his."

"But that's the thing John." I smiled weakly at him, pinching his cheek. "I am Paul's girl."

He dropped his hands from my shoulders solemnly.

"Well then we cannot be friends." He shrugged, pushing me aside.

"What?" I laughed, clutching his wrist as I steadied myself before he could leave. "What do you mean?"

He shook my hand from his wrist before leaving, his last words being:

"You don't understand how hard it is to be around you when you aren't mine."