In My Life

Chaptet 59

"Was it all real?" He sighed as he woke the next morning.

"I'm afraid so John." I said, still clasping his head in my lap, stroking his ears as he recollected all that had happened the night before.

I hadn't slept at all that night.
I couldn't.
The images of her lifeless face to the ground would flash through my mind every time I closed my eyelids shut, and my ears were still ringing with the haunting echoes of the sirens.
Instead, I'd played with John's hair through my fingertips, as though to distract me from reality, wasting the night away, my eyes never leaving the clock on his wall.

"Do you want to stay in bed today?" I bent down to whisper in his ear. "I'm sure Mimi will understand."

"No." He shook his head, rising from my lap, overwhelming my legs with a sensation of pins and needles.

John rubbed his bloodshot eyes, running his fingers through his bed head as he sat up to lean against the wall beside his bed. He propped his knees up, wrapping his arms around them, and burying his face into them.

"John." I let out a sigh, as I got to my knees to inch closer to him, stroking the hair away from the visible areas of his forehead.

"I just can't believe it." He muttered through his knees impassively.

"It's going to be alright John." I chanted to him, stealthily sliding my arms around his body, curling my head around his back, and kissing him lightly on the back of the neck.

He lifted his head from his knees, and clasped my hands in his, where he looked me in his soft brown eyes which were still swollen from his crying.

"You know what she always said to me Sam?" He gave a slanted half smile.

I shook my head cluelessly, transfixed by his unfamiliar, warm (yet doleful) eyes.

"She used to tell me 'take care of Sam, she's a good'in!'" He bit his lip, brushing his palm down my cheek tenderly, before dropping his touch from me altogether, his smile replaced by a remorseful sulk. "And what did I do? I hit 'yer."

He shifted slightly from me, turning his head to the window to space himself from me.

"I don't know why you're even here Sam. I bet you hate me after all that. I dunno how you put up with it all." He said thoughtfully. "I've come to the point of my life where I think you'll be better off without me."

"John this isn't the time for this." I sulked, tickling him lightly on the back of the neck. "Surely enough you've done bad things, but I could never hate you, and I'm not going anywhere, because you need a friend at a time like this, so let's just forgive and forget, yeh?"

"I don't know if I want to let you forgive me." He sighed.

"Well you're just going to have to put up with it nonetheless." I gave a weak smile as I slid myself beneath his arm and into his chest to cuddle.

One end of his mouth rose slightly, portraying a small and fragile smile, sparking little joy in his hurt eyes.

"I'm lucky to have you Sam." He stroked my cheek. "And I'm sorry. Really sorry."

"Don't worry about it." I smiled, and placed my own palm over his, resting his hand gently on the very cheek he'd struck.