In My Life

Chapter 42

"Oh she's a jolly good fellow, oh she's a jolly good fellow, yes she's a jolly good fellow!" Slurred John, barely conscious as we 'walked' back home.

"Oh would you shut up John." I muttered.

I was fatigued, and it was not of much help that John had kept us out until the early hours of the following morning due to downing one too many with the other lads, yet now I was faced with the tiring job of getting him home as well. Always left to face his consequences.

"Awh Sammy don't be a wet blanket." He smirked, shoving me tenderly with the little balance he had left.

I brushed his hands from my shoulder, rather repulsed by his touch. I hated being around him when he was like this, it was just a shame it had become the person he was, and was constantly.

"Just don't even talk to me John, yeh? Quieten down." I sighed, striding collectedly ahead.

"Woah!" He clutched my wrist, spinning me back around. "Cold much?"

I scrunched up my face from the stench of his breath, my eyes watering and my nostrils burning.

I tried shaking my wrists loose, but he just held them tighter and tighter, refusing to let them go, and drawing my face closer to his.

"Why you gotta be like this Sam?" He asked with drooping eyelids. "Speak to me darl'."

"Let me go John." I said composedly, remaining in a static form with wide and dire eyes.

He narrowed his eyes.

"Please." I softened.

I wouldn't exactly have called it a done deal, as he still remained grip on my wrists, only to draw them behind my back, and hold them in place with one hand.

"Why don't you love me anymore Sam?" He said impassively stroking my cheek.

"John why do we always have to go through this." I complained, having lived through this conversation enough times already. It was always when he was drunk he was like this I'd noticed.

"Look at me!" He snapped, lifting my chin abruptly for my eyes to meet his. "Look at me like you look at Paul!"

"Paul?" I spat back. "What has anything got do with him? For Christ sake John, just once can we not go through this?" I squirmed to redeem freedom of my arms, as I could feel them beginning to numb from the tight grip John had.

"Well admit it! You still like him! I saw you and him dancing! You never dance with me Sam." He sneered.

"Well you've never asked." I said sternly.

The two of us were drawn tightly to the chest by this point, almost nose to nose, and John's grip was beginning to cause a lack of blood circulation in my arms.

"I'm sorry." I eased my tense body.

John said nothing, nor released me, keeping me close. His spare arm slide down to my waist where he drew me further in, his lips resting against mine lightly, before I drew away.

"Why won't you kiss me?" He questioned.

"I don't know." I lied, lowering my head to the ground.

"Why don't you wanna kiss me as badly as I saw you wanted to kiss Paul?" He tried again.

I rolled my eyes at him, irritated by the fact he still had't dropped it. I was sick to death of this Paul comparison game he was playing, it was as though he had little faith in me, which was rich for him.

"Well why won't you lay off the alcohol for one night and spend some time with me, 'cos you're always complaining about me never being with you. I need company too John, and you're never there!" I forced the words from my mouth, aware that this conversation would never stick in his mind, and would be forgotten by morning. But nevertheless, it mattered to me, and I needed to tell them to his face.

"I'm here now aren't I?" He muttered.

"Are you?" I raised an eyebrow. "'Cos' from what I see, you're barely able to keep your eyes open, which is how it always is John. So could you blame me for wanting to spend time with someone who's actually conscious of what I'm saying?"

His tense body softened, loosening a great deal on me, and our chests drew apart.

"Now let me go." I begged again.

He stood motionless for a moment, staring right through me as though to either read my expressional face, or my mind. Soon enough, this time he actually did drop his grip, releasing me, and I distanced myself from him impulsively, shaking my pale and frigid hands to regain all feeling in them again.

Neither of us said another word.