In My Life

Chapter 44

"This okay? 'Cos if it isn't okay I can go get us a different table? Tell me if it's okay? I want you to be perfectly comfortable with it. Is it-"

"It's okay John it's okay!" I laughed, stroking his arm for him to sit.

He scratched his head awkwardly, descending a slight pink in the cheeks.

"Sorry." He smiled. "I just want everything to be perfect."

I returned the smile, with the slightly uncomfortable feeling of déjà vu I was unable to shake off.

He'd taken me to a candlelit restaurant in the preppy side of town where all the expressive wines and such could be purchased. It was unfamiliar to be in such a private and sophisticated area of Liverpool, and the both of us had to dress up in something modest yet flattering.
John wore a smartly trimmed jacket over a white shirt, making him look more immaculate and kept. I'd really grown to love his Buddy Holly look too. His thick rimmed glasses really complimented the luscious brown curls he greased upwards; though he tucked the glasses carefully into his pocket after we seated. I on the other hand wore a tea-length dress of oranges and reds in spite of the autumn season in progression, with a brown wrap across the shoulders to protect from the breezy night air. I felt more comfortable to wear an outfit less revealing than the last; it gave me more confidence and self assurance. I suppose a part of me knew John was disappointed, but he couldn't have expected me to dine at such a prestigious restaurant in something so adolescent.

"So do you like it?" He asked nervously.

I gazed at him in awe, my head in my palm like the schoolgirl I truly was. I was falling in love with the anxious and sweetheart of a boy I used to know all over again. John had never really shown this side of him often anymore, so just to bask in the glory of the familiar boy I'd known was a moment I'd never wanted to end.

"It's lovely." I smiled. "But you really didn't have to take me anywhere fancy John."

"Well you're worth it love." He winked.

The whole atmosphere of the date seemed all too familiar also: having outdone himself to take me somewhere so special, making me feel special, and the general fondness of just being with him.

"You look swell darlin'." John glanced at me as a waiter came by to leave us both a glass of water.

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks slightly as I blushed. It was just so unnatural for John to be so charming and concerned; that was more Paul's forte. Like when Paul had taken me on a similar date back in summer.

The mere though of Paul had left him pondering through my mind, catching me off focus from John now and again. I didn't know why I couldn't put him aside and concentrate on dinner with John, but he always seemed to creep into my thoughts. Maybe just his face, or perhaps something he'd said to me in a distant memory; either way, he was there.

"So anyway." John choked nervously, tugging at his collar. "I actually wanted to tell you something important which happened today."

"Mm hm." I smiled at him, forcing Paul from my mind completely as I placed my hand on his from across the table.

"Well when I went to see mum today, y'know...I finally asked her."

"Really?" I gasped, all of a sudden feeling alert and taken aback by the news.

He nodded his head solemnly.

"Well what did she say?"

"There was nothing much to it." He shrugged. "Apparently he just buggered off and left."

"But that can't seriously be all?"

John sighed and shook his head.
His dad had always been a delicate topic to dance around. He'd spent the past few months working up the nerve to ask his mother about him, and was undoubtably depending on her for some answers. It didn't appear she'd felt too open with sharing though, and I could tell that the let down of disappointment bearing down upon him was tearing him apart inside, despite the lifeless expression in his countenance.

"Well does Julia at least know where he is now?" I asked inquisitively.

John bit his lip in contemplation for a while, and rested his elbow against the back of his seat, resting his head in his palm in frustration.

I picked up the glass of water from the table of which I'd been tapping the side of during my anxious thoughts, and began taking sip after sip, only realising then how parched I was.

"New Zealand? Maybe?" John strained, almost pulling out his hair which his fingers ran through. "Oh I dunno Sam! Chances of me finding him are Paul anyway!" He sighed heavily, causing me to almost choke on my water.

I whipped my head behind me with wide and alert eyes, choking and spluttering whilst checking if he was there.

"Are you alright?" John furred his brow with a softened expression, reaching out to me from across the table. "What are you looking for?"

"Nothing!" I snapped defensively, gasping for air as I slammed the glass to the table, causing water to jump from over its edges. "I'm fine, I'm fine! Now what were you saying?"

"Chances...chances I'll find him are small." He repeated with a perplexed expression.

"No, don't say that! You've got Paul the time in the world to find him." I laughed nervously, clutching my mouth tightly soon after, having finally processed the words of which I'd just blurted.

"What?"

"All! All the time! All-the-time-in-the-world!" I protested rather squeamishly, sinking my burning face into my palms in humiliation.

"Hey, darl', are you feeling okay?" He asked, as he twirled his fingers through the locks of my hair comfortingly.

"Never better." I groaned into the table.