In My Life

Chapter 38

A few weeks had past. I'd stopped going to anything band related completely. If not rehearsals, it was no longer performances either, and I was really beginning to miss Eric and the other boys. I missed watching John having the thrill of his life on stage. I missed the wonderful music they played.
I missed Paul.

But Paul had already said all he needed; he'd 'prefer I didn't hang about'.
However, I just couldn't help but miss him, no matter how hard I tried to suppress him from my memory. He used to be such a good friend, so kind and gentle, and I yearned that companionship again. It was just a shame he didn't.

But enough of Paul. It was John I should have been focused on, right? He was still there for me, he still loved me, and he and I were a thing now I suppose. It was just unfortunate he'd spent the past few weeks since his 16th birthday wasted. All memories we'd shared together since we're either a pounding headache or a blur to him, and simply unpleasant for me.

I checked the clock of Mimi's front room. It was almost 1am. John was still yet to get back from the venue of which he and the boys had played that night. I'd stayed and waited patiently upon his return on Mimi's sofa like usual, as I never went to these things anymore. I really only stuck around for the purpose of actually being able to spend time with John, as his promise was beginning to slip again. The boy was always out during the day: at Julia's and most definitely not at school, band rehearsal, or simply causing havoc down town. During the evenings it was either a preformance with the boys, down getting pissed at the bar, or sometimes even both.
Tonight was one of those 'both' nights.

Soon enough, a mumbling voice stumbled through the door, barley able to stand up on his own two feet.
I rolled my eyes with a yawn, and rose from the sofa to assist him to his bedroom. Helping him up the stairs with much difficulty, I eventually managed to tuck him into bed after removing his hefty jacket like routine.

I sat perched on the bed beside him, stroking his forehead and hair as he drifted off. He looked so vulnerable and childlike; a side of John I never really saw anymore. He smiled slightly as I tickled his ear, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"Sammy." He slurred.

"Mm hm." I smiled softly, careful not to fully wake him.

"Come to the show tomorrow night." He mumbled. "I miss having you around."

"I miss you too John." My smile faded solemnly.

"Then spend some time with me Sam." He yawned.

I bit my lip. Would it really be any different? If I went with him would I be spending time with the John I knew, or a John under the influence of certain fluids?

But I really wanted time with him, more than anything, despite the anxiety of Paul's presence. What did it matter anyway? He'd just ignore me the whole night, it would be like he wasn't even there.

I hummed in a lull tone to John, easing him into dream land.
Wonderland.
Just like he always used to say.

Eventually, the tensions in his body relaxed as he slipped into his unconscious mind. It wouldn't be a pretty sight the following morning, but I enjoyed to see John so at peace momentarily.

With one last kiss on the forehead, I tucked his covers again, and left him to it.

"Goodnight John." I sighed to myself under my breath before exiting his bedroom, and soon enough, his house.