In My Life

Chapter 70

The next morning, now that all of my belongings were secure in its protection, I hauled my hefty suitcase down the stairs.

Mother and I had gone through everything the night before, and as much as she loved life here, she understood the circumstances. There's nothing more in a mother I could have admired more. It filled me with pride, and also hope that perhaps one day, I could be the same with children of my own. She told me to go forth as she knew the urgency; she'd catch up with me in a few days time, she just had inquiries to make and such. And so, after kissing more forehead goodbye for now, I left the house, embracing its every memory it withheld for me as I exited.

"Sam?" I heard John's voice from behind, intruding upon my reflection.

I turned around to see him stood outside of my gate with a concerned, and almost frightened expression on his face.

"Where are you going?" He demanded, not angrily, but afraid. "Why do you have a suitcase? Going on holiday?"

"Not quite." I gave a weak smile as he opened the gate for me. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you." His eyes searched for mine, but I refused to look. "Good thing I did as well. Now where are you going?"

I bit my lip. I hadn't expected to tell him this way. I hadn't expected to be the one to tell him at all. I'd said my goodbyes the night before.

"Away. I'm sorry John," I stroked him behind the ear. "I'm leaving."

"Forever?" He cried, snatching my wrists abruptly, locking me in his grip.

"Well I'm sure we'll see each other again some day."

"We can see each other all the time if you don't leave! Why are you leaving?" His voice thinned, growing slightly desperate.

"I just need to get away from it all." I attempted to smile to lighten the mood. "And I can already see what I'm doing to everybody."

He sent me a look of sheer incomprehension.

"I'm tearing everything apart John, and you know it. I'm going to ruin you."

"I don't mind Sam, really! Just don't leave me." He cried, his eyes beginning to gloss.

I smiled at him fondly, reaching into the small bag across my shoulder.

"I have something for you." I sounded far more high spirited than he did.

His attention drew from the hand of mine which he'd pressed to his face, and averted his eyes to the book I'd taken from my bag.

"I am resigning from my duties as the book keeper Lennon." I teased, placing Alice in Wonderland into his palm. "After all, books are meant for reading more than just once."

"That's to a certain extent Sam, of which I've exceeded." He played along with a small smile curving at the ends of his mouth. "But I'd rather you kept it."

"I can't John." I presented him with both a soft yet earnest expression as I pushed the book forward towards him provokingly.

"Alright." He resigned himself, accepting the book and wedging it carelessly beneath his armpit. "But I don't understand why you won't stay. It's because of the way everything has changed isn't it?" He demanded.