In My Life

Chapter 53

I was pathetic.

4 days in a row I'd stayed hidden away from the world in my bedroom, faking an illness from mother.
I hadn't showered in days. I rarely felt peckish, only sometimes managing a slice of toast. I hadn't even the motivation to haul myself out of bed in the morning.
All day I'd sit without expression or thought, staring blatantly at the wall with a hollow feeling of unfulfillment; a void deep inside eating me up.
How I wished I could turn back time. Perhaps lived the life of another all together?

"Sam." Mother entered my room with concern, checking my temperature again with her palm to my forehead. "You don't seem ill, and it worries me to see you like this Sam. Talk to me."

I remained silent as she shook me slightly by the shoulders, gazing aimlessly at the plain wall behind her.

"Sam look at me." She furred her brow. "You've been so distant lately and you're frightening me. Either you tell me what's going on right now, or you get yourself out of this house for some fresh air and a sense of reality."

I wasn't feeling particularly up to the challenge of telling her my life story, and saw this a better time than any to pull myself together.

"Okay." I said emotionlessly, this being the first word of which I'd spoken in almost 5 days.

I rose from the bed in a daze, picking up some clothes mother had left out for me days ago, and taking them to the toilet to change into, transfixed by sheer nothingness. I felt mothers eyes watch me, and although I knew I was upsetting her, felt nothing inside.

After showering and changing, I left the house without even consulting her of where I was going, more or less concentrated on escaping her eyeful observations of me. I hadn't a clue where to go, who to see, or who to turn to by this point. I'd had no real friends aside from...him. Not that he remained my friend any longer. It made me wonder, hadn't Paul promised to come visit me? Where was a friend when I needed one? Where was he?

Before I'd realised, I'd manage to ponder further enough to end up in a familiar neighbourhood of sandy-brick coloured houses. It had been quite some time since I'd last paid a visit, but I saw no harm in stopping by. It hadn't even crossed my mind to what I was actually doing until I found myself knocking on her door. I could never have worked up the courage to do so in my normal state of mind. But I had no state of mine now. I was simply a mindless being of sheer emptiness.

On the other side of the door, the sounds of unlocking could be heard, and behind it stood the perplexed face of the fiery red headed woman fate had brought me to.

"Sam?" She asked, rather taken aback to see me alone, peering further down the street in search of a companion of mine. "Where's John?"

I shook my head impassively, provoking her slightly without a word.

"Well...nevertheless. Do come inside." She motioned me forward, welcoming me warmly with a sunny smile and comforting pat of the back.