In My Life

Chapter 33

"I'll take it you told him then?"

"How'd you figure that?"

"You wouldn't be here if you hadn't."

Since Paul had left, I'd tried visiting John again, however Mimi had said he'd already gone out. I suspected he was out getting wasted, as Paul had earlier commented he'd been feeling down.

I managed to find him at a bar stool in a pub he was a regular at. Not hard to track down a person you know as well as I knew John.

"Sam." He grunted, the stench of alcohol escaping his mouth like mustard gas, making my very eyes water. "You're only here to see me now you've been rejected."

"John that isn't tru-"

"God Sam, for Christ sake, I saw it with my very own eyes leaving the house!" He raised his voice. "Just face the fact he doesn't want you! And you can't come running back to me! Sam this isn't a game, and I'm not your puppet. I'm not being anyone's second choice. You had yer' chance!"

He sounded more hurt than agitated, and I couldn't blame him. Though, we'd never have even been put in this situation if he hadn't made a move on me in the first place.

"John, look I'm sorry about everything! And I've not come here for this. You know I never wanted to lose you as a friend!" I argued.

"Well it doesn't quite work that way love." He straightened his jacket, softening his tone. "If Paul had forgiven you instead of leaving you, both of us know quite well, that you my dear, would not be sat beside me on this here bar stool. You'd be out with Paul, and wouldn't be giving me a second thought, just like how things have been for the past month since he came."

"But John it's not like that! We went through it all last night." I pleaded, clinging to his arm desperately.

He shook me off roughly, pushing my body away from his own.

"Yeh that's what I thought too, but everything changed this morning when you saw him, didn't they petal?" He rolled his eyes, taking another swig of his pint.

"John I'm sorry, I really don't know what to say! I'm confused!"

"Well I'm not." He laughed bitterly. "Sam if you only want me now because you can't have Paul, you can just give up on that dream while you still have your pride."

"John-"

"No! No John's!" He interrupted sternly. "Sam, Paul isn't gonna stick around love, 'cos he don't care, and by this point, neither do I! Sam I don't care about you, or us, so just leave because I don't want you! Nobody does!"

Nobody wanted me. The one thing I had established from all of this.

I nodded my head at him understandingly, stood up from my place beside him at the bar to leave him be. He continued to drink, completely passing by the fact I was leaving altogether.
Just as I was about to exit the pub, I took one last glance, wondering where on earth the sweet young boy I'd grown up with had vanished to.