Faking Reality- Jian

The Note: J.C'S POV Continued

Kian,

I don't what else I can say expect that I really miss you more than ever and I honestly want you to come home. And I know that you've made your mind up and that this is finally it and although a part of me knows this, I do cling to a hope that you might come home and you might bring back the light into my life that has been missing since the day you left without saying goodbye. Kian. I. Love. You. So. Dam. Much. And it breaks me a part knowing that you're not here and knowing that I'll never see you smile again. Never hear you laugh. Never watch you cry during Disney movies. But most of all, I'll never see you grow into the amazing person I have watched in the past few months. I wish this could have turned out different and I wish that fate had pulled you out of those horrible thoughts in your mind but I know that in my reality, this is not the case. Since the day you left, all I can think about is you and the question why. Depression is a horrible place to be in and to watch you fall apart every single day has torn my heart out and then to watch you slip into that dark and horrible place once more, it's shattered my heart. It really has. And the last falling piece was you leaving. My heart officially shattered completely and I don't want to honestly try and fix it. Because I know that if I do, you won't be here to help me mend and to help me learn to find love again. Because Kian Robert Lawley, you are my love and you are my glue that helps me stick and makes me J.C Caylen. You make me who I have always wanted to be and you make me happy. You really do make me happy Kian and knowing that I will never see the light and see the happiness you bring and brought into my life, I can't do this anymore. I can't live without you Kian at all. I really need you and I really need you in my life and as I know this won't be a possibility anymore, I am slipping away to be with you because I need you Kian and I love you Kian. And in life, I suppose that's all I have really needed. Someone who loved me enough and someone who made me happy and brighten my light. And that is truly you. And I thank you for that with my whole might because I have finally found my purpose and it was meeting you and falling in love with you. And that's the best life I could ask for.

Your love forever and ever more,

J.C Caylen"